3 Things I Wish I Knew Years Ago

0:03Steven Webb: Welcome to Stillness in the Storms podcast. I am your host, Steven Webb. And this is the show that gives

0:09Steven Webb: you a different perspective on life. It helps you to get through the most difficult times. It prepares you for

0:17Steven Webb: the worst and gives you that peace of mind and stillness when you need it most. So before I start,

0:24Steven Webb: I want to say a big shout out and a thank you to Sandra and to Mo for treating me

0:30Steven Webb: to a coffee this week. That really does make a difference and in somewhat, in a weird way, goes to

0:37Steven Webb: healing my seven-year-old self.

0:40Steven Webb: The seven-year-old self that's still trying to fix the whole world and reduce the whole world of suffering because he

0:46Steven Webb: suffered. and he didn't suffer badly, but he suffered in the way that a seven-year-old does suffer in perspective to

0:54Steven Webb: that. So yeah, thank you very much Sandra and Mo, you're awesome. And if anybody else wants to treat me

1:01Steven Webb: to a coffee or download my five Simple Practices for Inner Peace or you would like to sign up to

1:09Steven Webb: my newsletter, you can go to StevenWebb.uk and I will re-give that email address at the end of the podcast

1:17Steven Webb: and I will give you some more information about how you can sign up to my newsletter and how you

1:21Steven Webb: can download my free book, five Simple Practices for Inner Peace.

1:26Steven Webb: And they're not the standard kind of normal ones you would normally go and have. It's not just just meditation

1:33Steven Webb: and mindfulness and all that. It's, you know, they're mine and they're the ones that helped me. And what's today's

1:40Steven Webb: show about? It's, it's a new year and I thought what am I going to do about um podcast for

1:46Steven Webb: the New Year? Then I've got some planned shows coming up and I've started to plan things a little bit

1:50Steven Webb: more to make things a little bit easier for me. And I've taken some nice time out over Christmas to

1:57Steven Webb: really get myself organized a little bit. And it's, it's been really wonderful wonderful Christmas. I've had a wonderful quiet

2:03Steven Webb: new year. Went down to see the fireworks and everything. And so I've got some episodes planned over the next

2:10Steven Webb: few weeks and if you stay tuned to the end of this episode, I will also give you the information

2:15Steven Webb: because I want you to influence these episodes and how I can help you um Very often I think about

2:23Steven Webb: how I'm helped during the most difficult times, but that doesn't always go over to how you

2:31Steven Webb: need and what advice you need and things like that. So I want you to email me and tell me

2:36Steven Webb: what you want, what topics you would like me to cover.

2:39Steven Webb: So that would really help me. It would help you and it would help everybody else, because you're not the

2:44Steven Webb: only one that needs that topic covered. You know, don't think you're the only one in the world that has

2:50Steven Webb: that issue. Very often we think we might be alone. And am I the only one that suffers from this?

2:55Steven Webb: No, absolutely not. And in my experience, everybody that's ever come forward with an idea, loads of people was put

3:03Steven Webb: up their hands and goes, yes, that's me too. So you'd be really helping other people. So at the end

3:08Steven Webb: of the show, I will tell you exactly how you can get a hold of me for that. So let's

3:14Steven Webb: get on with today's show. So today's show really is

3:18Steven Webb: three things that I've learned over the last year that I'm really putting into practice, and I've really made a

3:25Steven Webb: difference. That um yeah three things that I've really worked there for this year. I don't want to go into

3:31Steven Webb: too much detail for the moment, and then what's happening with the podcast what's happening over the next few months.

3:37Steven Webb: And then most importantly again like I say, how you can decide the topics for this podcast. So let's get

3:45Steven Webb: on with today's show.

3:48Steven Webb: So I always say when, like, as if I've got some big musical interlude or something like that. I really

3:55Steven Webb: haven't. But anyway, right, three, three main things or stuff that's really made a difference to my life in the

4:02Steven Webb: last 12 months and stuff that I'm really now putting into practice. And the the one thing that has really

4:10Steven Webb: resonated with me at the moment is there's a huge difference between knowing and doing

4:16Steven Webb: and I'll Let that sink in for a moment. Knowing and doing. And I read a quote years and years

4:21Steven Webb: ago that said the person that can read and doesn't read has no advantage over the person they cannot

4:29Steven Webb: read. And

4:31Steven Webb: that just sunk in and it really hit me when I read that. But now I'm starting to really realise

4:39Steven Webb: it. I'm 50 years old now, and there's so many ways that I know I should be living my life.

4:46Steven Webb: There's so many things I know that would help me, and there's so many things I can do that I

4:51Steven Webb: know would help others and do different things. But do I actually do them? No. And am I gonna suddenly

4:57Steven Webb: overnight just suddenly change everything and put into practice every book I know of it No but I'm

5:05Steven Webb: gonna. You know, over the last two weeks, I've really started putting into practice some of the things that. This

5:13Steven Webb: is why I've taken really time out. This is why I've been quite quiet on Twitter or Facebook because I've

5:18Steven Webb: really started to really look at where I'm, where I know different and I'm,

5:25Steven Webb: you know, I have the knowledge of knowing different. I'm not actually putting into practice. You know, I I meditate

5:31Steven Webb: I don't meditate as much as I probably should. And I know we're hard, we're our worst critics

5:40Steven Webb: um You know, I'm not meditating in the morning as much as I should. I sit up and I do

5:45Steven Webb: a couple of minutes. I need to do a little bit more. But I am taking time out a lot

5:50Steven Webb: during the day

5:52Steven Webb: and I've always struggled with meditation in the afternoon. So I'm not about to promise and do that. And over

5:59Steven Webb: the last few years, I've always, like promised I'm going to do all these things.

6:03Steven Webb: And I tend to let myself down and let people down, so I'm not going to do that. So what

6:10Steven Webb: I've really learned over the last year is really, you know, knowing something and actually doing something with it is

6:18Steven Webb: a real big difference. And there's no point in knowing if you're not going to do anything with it. So

6:24Steven Webb: actively choose. Okay, this is something I've learned. It's fine to know it, but I'm not going to do anything

6:31Steven Webb: with it and make that choice as an awareness choice. So I either just do nothing with it and be

6:38Steven Webb: okay with that. But don't beat yourself up or choose to do something with it. Give it a try for

6:43Steven Webb: a while, things like that. So that's one of the things I've really learned and I'm really putting into practice

6:47Steven Webb: now. And the other thing is everybody is winging it. You know, this is, this is so important for

6:55Steven Webb: me and anybody that suffers from imposter syndrome, which is probably everybody, actually, I don't know anybody, when you talk

7:03Steven Webb: to them, either they don't know what it is and I didn't know what it was until recent years, or

7:10Steven Webb: they, they suffer from it. And like, like I said, they don't know what it is or not aware of

7:15Steven Webb: it, or they are aware of it and they, they do suffer. Otherwise you're so overconfident that you, you think

7:22Steven Webb: you've got all the answers. You think you got everything and all that. And that's when you know the um

7:29Steven Webb: is it the damning Kruger effect or something like that comes in when you're Overconfident and you've got this

7:37Steven Webb: illusion of knowledge that you've got everything and you know everything. And yeah, we all know these

7:44Steven Webb: people that speak really, really confidently and there's no hint of kind of,

7:52Steven Webb: you know, that wavering in their voice or anything like that. But

7:57Steven Webb: you know, you just know, well, they got that wrong and they got that wrong. But they say it with

8:01Steven Webb: such confidence that you even question yourself. But it's it's a matter of um everybody's winning it

8:09Steven Webb: you know if you're if you're only 80 confident, that's okay. When I become mayor, I had no idea I

8:15Steven Webb: was looking around for the handbook I asked the town clerk, I asked the other staff members and a couple

8:21Steven Webb: of previous mares how do I do it? Where's the handbook, you know, if this occurs, what do I do?

8:27Steven Webb: And they were like, well, there isn't one, you're the man now I'm like, well, luckily the mayor doesn't have

8:34Steven Webb: that much power and doesn't have that um kind of

8:40Steven Webb: wielding sword that of decisions that really, you know, it's not that kind of mareship in true luckily So, and

8:47Steven Webb: anybody knows me knows that I'm terrible at making decisions I I want everybody to be happy and content with

8:55Steven Webb: every decision. And I don't know if you're, I don't know if you ever like me when you've got three

9:02Steven Webb: people and it's like, what we're going to do for tea tonight? And I'm like, well, I'm not worried. You

9:06Steven Webb: two decide. And then I'm trying to decide something that everybody is 100 happy with. That's just not the case.

9:13Steven Webb: So like if this is trying to, again, like I say, we're just working it. We're trying to do our

9:21Steven Webb: best with decisions and everything like that. And I think if you're overly confident and you're absolutely bang on, you

9:28Steven Webb: think your decision is the only decision and it is the answer, then you're probably not,

9:36Steven Webb: you're not being 100% true to yourself or true to others and everything else like that. I think to have

9:42Steven Webb: some wavering in your confidence levels is not a bad thing. I think it's okay to admit that you don't

9:50Steven Webb: know what's going on. Sometimes I, you know, either that or that's the way I feel when it's okay.

9:58Steven Webb: But there is a balance, there is a balance. You need to balance between the two. So you can't just

10:06Steven Webb: say, hey, everybody's bringing it I don't know what I'm doing. I haven't got A quote

10:10Steven Webb: and just be okay with that. That's not okay either. You know that there is that level of

10:17Steven Webb: every every time you step up your game, every time you take more responsibility, you have to step into it

10:23Steven Webb: with some degree of um knowing what you're doing, but you don't have to know everything of what you're doing.

10:29Steven Webb: I think that's what I'm trying to say. And the other thing I've learned is to delete stuff, to stop

10:36Steven Webb: doing stuff um I I would say yes to everything, and I just cannot

10:44Steven Webb: do everything. And there's people I want to catch up with, there's people that I want to have my cups

10:51Steven Webb: of tea with um friends around the country that I catch up with regularly and all that, and friends across

10:58Steven Webb: the pond in America and all that, and I haven't caught up with them, and I miss them. But it's

11:04Steven Webb: because I'm saying yes to everything. So delete stuff. Get rid the stuff there's What is not important in your

11:10Steven Webb: life what are you doing what

11:14Steven Webb: Netflix shows are you watching to avoid doing the other stuff, simply because it's just

11:21Steven Webb: easier to avoid everything. So

11:25Steven Webb: just organize time and delete stuff and just stop doing everything then to say no. What in your day

11:33Steven Webb: is using up most of your time that you just really don't care about?

11:39Steven Webb: And apart from the first one, I said, this really makes a huge difference, this last one. And the older

11:45Steven Webb: I get, the more important this one is and that is treat the world the way you are, not the

11:52Steven Webb: way they are.

11:54Steven Webb: And if you take one thing from this podcast, take this one away. Treat them

12:01Steven Webb: based on who you are, not who they are. You know, if they're an asshole Don't become an asshole

12:09Steven Webb: as well. Be a nice person. I said this to my daughter. We were on the way back from a

12:15Steven Webb: north store one day, and we were sat in the back of the van and she was saying about a

12:20Steven Webb: couple of her friends and some messages and it was going a bit wrong and things like that. And she

12:25Steven Webb: was saying, I I just want to have a go at the right Stevie They're wrong. And, you know, I.

12:30Steven Webb: I'm done with him. And I said, well, is that who you are? Well, no, but they're doing my head

12:37Steven Webb: in and all that. I said, yeah, but will you feel guilty if you treat them the way they're treating

12:42Steven Webb: you?

12:43Steven Webb: And they weren't treating her really badly. It wasn't no big, like um bullying or anything like that, but It

12:51Steven Webb: was a simple, quite a large misunderstanding. And this misunderstanding was growing out of

12:58Steven Webb: proportion and I said, well, who are you who are you in your heart? Treat them the way you are.

13:05Steven Webb: And we had this discussion about it. And the more I think about it, the more I try to show

13:11Steven Webb: up in the world as who who I am.

13:14Steven Webb: It's really important for me, for my foundations. And it

13:22Steven Webb: means I can live with it. I can live with the decisions. I can live with how I treat people

13:26Steven Webb: more than how they treat me then whether that always goes down well, I don't know whether that, you know,

13:33Steven Webb: sometimes it doesn't land well. Sometimes people miss here

13:38Steven Webb: sometimes people. You're not responsible for what people hear. You're only responsible for what you say. Sometimes it goes totally

13:45Steven Webb: wrong. But as long as you can stay true to yourself and you. Do you know what that was? Who

13:51Steven Webb: I am. I'm showing up who I am. I say it from the heart of who I am. I think

13:59Steven Webb: you can sleep a night you can beat your head down the pillow, and you can rest assured knowing that

14:03Steven Webb: you did your best.

14:05Steven Webb: And very often, people below their anger, below their frustrations and all that, are deep, caring people as well.

14:13Steven Webb: I've never met an angry person that doesn't care deeply.

14:17Steven Webb: And Jun Po, one of my teachers, one of the greatest teachers I would say ever,

14:24Steven Webb: gave me more freedom from my

14:27Steven Webb: thoughts, gave me more freedom from my procrastinations, my hanks and

14:35Steven Webb: everything than any other teacher I know. Sadly passed away last year I'm rereading his book Heart of Zen

14:43Steven Webb: right now and just going back to it. I just love it. It's just. It's one of those under. It's

14:50Steven Webb: one of those books that should be so well known, and it just isn't, and I just wish it was

14:57Steven Webb: um If you want to look it up, it's Jun Po j-u-n-p-o It's called Heart of Zen. And it's

15:05Steven Webb: a dialogue between him and another guy talking about enlightenment, talking about today's modern world and how we get

15:13Steven Webb: there and how we reduce our suffering and all that. And it's just a phenomenal book um so I had

15:21Steven Webb: to buy one down off Amazon because I don't know who I gave mine to um so yeah they're they're

15:28Steven Webb: the three things. Just to recap um there's a huge difference between knowing and doing, you know. You know, you

15:35Steven Webb: should be eating healthily, but unless you do it, what's the point of even knowing, you know? Secondly, everybody's winging

15:43Steven Webb: it, you know, to some degree. Find that balance between winging and having some confidence and not too much confidence

15:50Steven Webb: and be okay with not knowing the whole part of the next step, it's like your

15:58Steven Webb: sat nav. You're okay with the next two directions. You have confidence in the sat nav. For the rest of

16:03Steven Webb: it, have confidence in yourself that when you get there, you'll, you'll know what to do. You don't have to

16:09Steven Webb: every everything Delete stuff. Get rid of stuff in your life. What. What are you doing that's wasting time. What

16:16Steven Webb: are doing it's making you procrastinate um That's an overused word. It's an overused excuse to

16:24Steven Webb: not do things. And I'm a procrastinator. You know, you just know what you should be doing. You're not doing

16:29Steven Webb: it.

16:30Steven Webb: That's me. You know, if you're watching me on Youtube, I'm popping my hand up now. It's like me

16:37Steven Webb: um So the other thing is treat the world the way you are, not who they are in every

16:45Steven Webb: interaction. Show up as you. And

16:48Steven Webb: I think that's just so incredibly important. So

16:53Steven Webb: at the beginning of the podcast, I said to you that I was going to tell you how you can

16:58Steven Webb: influence the shows. I've got a couple of shows planned out over the next couple of weeks, but apart from

17:05Steven Webb: that, I I want to know what are you suffering with? What are you struggling with? Or what would you

17:12Steven Webb: like me to cover

17:14Steven Webb: um So you can go to StevenWebb.uk

17:17Steven Webb: and contact me. Just click on the contact me. There's no hierarchy, there's no if you buy me

17:25Steven Webb: a coffee that you'll get on the show or anything like that, or there's none of that. It's just if

17:31Steven Webb: you buy me a coffee, if you treat me a effectively, it helps me to pay for editing and things

17:37Steven Webb: like that and it helps for the hosting of the show, things like that, which costs money, but it's just

17:43Steven Webb: also, it's like a warm hug inside. So I really appreciate that. But anybody you know can

17:51Steven Webb: email me with an idea for the show or even if you haven't got an idea for the show, email

17:56Steven Webb: me with something you're struggling with um You can stay anonymous um I do have another podcast.

18:04Steven Webb: It's called Inner Peace Meditations, which literally are meditations to give you some more a piece I will

18:12Steven Webb: link that below this show and there's a link to it again on StevenWebb.uk

18:18Steven Webb: um my mayorship comes to an end in May um I've done my two years and it's been the most

18:25Steven Webb: amazing privilege and wonderful two years um I'm really cracking on with my book now. The gift of no choice

18:33Steven Webb: that will be out this year um You'll find out more about that over the next coming weeks because I'm

18:40Steven Webb: gonna really step up the accountability. I've been talking about this book. I've been writing chapters and I've been throwing

18:47Steven Webb: stuff together for years. Anybody that knows me, I've been writing this book probably 10 years and

18:54Steven Webb: I just need to bloody do it. I

18:59Steven Webb: can't wait to get this book out. It really is, you know, I want to share my story um

19:07Steven Webb: and I also want to share what I've learned and how I've overcome things like that. It's what people keep

19:12Steven Webb: asking me for. So it's the gift of no choice. And it will be out this year and I'm really

19:17Steven Webb: stepping up. But you'll be able to pre-order it you'll be able to support me, you'll be able to help

19:22Steven Webb: me with the cost of editing and publishing and all that very soon. So. And finally you can

19:29Steven Webb: contact me. And if you leave a review for these podcasts, that makes a huge difference um But

19:37Steven Webb: not only don't just leave a review, if you like the podcast, leave a review if you've got some criticism.

19:44Steven Webb: If it's something I don't do very well, I'll tell you one thing I don't do very well. I'm not

19:50Steven Webb: very um What's the word?

19:55Steven Webb: I'm not very consistent I In actual fact, not very consistent. I am bloody terrible at uploading every week.

20:03Steven Webb: So, you know um like me email me, I shouldn't need it um But

20:11Steven Webb: the newsletter as well, I'm. I send out my newsletter not very consistently,

20:18Steven Webb: but I'm just gonna, I'm not gonna have anything deep and found in my newsletter. I'm basically going to tell

20:24Steven Webb: you what I'm up to, what I'm reading, what I'm watching and what my shows and links to my shows,

20:30Steven Webb: things like that. So if you want to be part of that, just little bits of more inner peace, things

20:36Steven Webb: like that. And you want to know about

20:40Steven Webb: the inner circle, things like that, and what's going on.

20:44Steven Webb: Sign up to the newsletter. You can do all of that from StevenWebb.uk.

20:50Steven Webb: So thank you for listening. Happy New Year. It's the start of 2023.

20:58Steven Webb: I do release a show every week. Let's start as we mean to carry on and you can keep up

21:05Steven Webb: to date for everything like I say from that website, StevenWebb.uk I

21:11Steven Webb: love you guys. Thank you and take care. Bye,