In a Hard World, Your Softest Skills Are Your Strongest Asset

Q: Is this about politics?

It uses politics as the example, because you can watch people playing weak hands well in public. The point is your own hand.

Q: What if my soft skills feel thin?

They are skills, which means practice moves them. Being a better listener is available to anybody, and it does not require an exam.

Q: Are you saying the bad cards are good for me?

Not good. Necessary. Everything being pleasant would leave you unable to tell that anything was.

Read along

The transcript

It follows the audio. Press any line to jump there.

vulnerability · compassion · resilience · values

Read the transcript

We cannot change the cards we are dealt. Just how we play the hand.

Bandy Pouch. I love that. And that's what I'm going to talk about

on today's podcast, but not in the way you think I'm going to talk

about it. So just before we start, welcome to Stillness in the

Storm, the podcast that helps you through difficult times and brings

you some peace in other times. I'm working on it. What, 180 episodes

in or something? I'm still working on my intro. Hey, that's

life, isn't it? Aren't we always working on our life a little

bit? First of all, this podcast is totally free. No adverts,

so we can get right on with it. But I just gotta thank the people

that bought me a coffee this week that helps keep the podcast

free. There's Vic from New Zealand that taught me a new word

this week. Aotearoa. I think that's how you pronounce it. It's

a new word on me. I read your Prime Minister's book, but I never

knew New Zealand was called that as its native Maori name. Learn

something new every day. Rowan, C.P. gosia and Leo. Leo, my

biggest fan. You're awesome. Amy, Mary, Chani, Sarah, Laura, A

and K. You are all awesome. Thank you very much. And let's not

forget the monthly subscribers. You all make a difference.

You all keep this podcast free. Right? Let's get on with today's

podcast. And don't forget, you can go over to stevenwebb.uk and

sign up to my website weekly Calm newsletter, which is mostly

about every fortnight or maybe monthly by the time I get around

to it. At least I don't overrun your inbox. That's a nice

thing. Now I'm one to say, or my life is a good example of you

cannot change the card you are dealt when I broke my neck, or what

happened to my granddad when I was 12, or becoming homeless with

my sister, my mom, when we were young and things like that.

I couldn't do anything about those things. Yeah, I could have

made different choices. I could have not dived into the swimming

pool and all that, but I did and it happened. You can't change

the cards that you dealt. So I was given the idea for this week's

podcast by the guy that wrote Sapiens. Yvel. Noah Harari. I think

that's how you pronounce his name. He was saying about the game

in the world has changed. Democracy used to be the big player

in the world, but now it's more about the cards that you hold.

In Russia, he holds the power of the military and dictatorship

in America, he holds the power of ignorance, I guess, but he holds

the power of the influence of the richest man in the world. He

still got there as someone influencing and. And the cards they

have on the Republican Party is anti immigration and sticking

up for people that feel forgotten and things like that. And

that's the cards they're playing. And the same as in the uk,

Nigel Farage and people like that are playing those cards. So.

So politicians and people of influence are learning to play the

cards that they've got. Instead of going out and trying to

get other cards on, they're learning to play the cards they got.

So it made me think about us and our lives and you and playing

these different cards, and it made me think about our soft skills

and what have we got and what cards do we actually have? And I

think in the world that is so upside down at the moment, we might

think we have no cards, but we absolutely do. And the cards we have

are these soft skills. And I don't even like the name soft skills

because it's. It almost suggests that these skills are not

that important. And they're a bit woolly and they're a bit. They're

skills that we need more than ever. And when I go into council

meetings, when you got a chamber full of like 80 plus qualified

people that own businesses and you've got lawyers in there and you've

got doctors in there and you've got all kinds of people that

are highly qualified with letters after their names. And I

sit there and think, what have I got? I never finished school. I

was kicked out of sixth form. I've never passed an exam in my life

beyond my GCSes at school. Yeah, I read a few books, but I'm

terrible at that. I barely finish a book beyond 30%. I'm reading

a Richard Green book at the moment. I'm on 52%. I noticed this

morning. That's a record breaker for me in the past 612 months.

So I sit there thinking, why am I here? What skills have I got?

What cards am I playing and how am I playing them? I got to be

doing something. Okay. About 1500 people download the Stillness

in the Storms. Every episode, I think, which is not bad, but my

guided meditations do a lot better. So we need to share this

podcast a bit more. The Stillness in the Storms. We need

to get that one up there a little bit more. Maybe that's your

task. Leave a review this week. That'd be awesome if you could

leave a review. But going off on tangents, as I normally do, my

whole thinking is, what cards do you have? What soft skills do

you have? And when I took. When I talk about soft skills, what

am I talking about? Empathy, patience, kindness and courage. Don't

we want more of those things? Now? When you look at protest or

when we're angry about certain things, isn't an incredible skill

to be angry, but not to lash out. To be angry and still be kind,

to be angry and not call people names and come out in a. In

a way that's threatening and violent. Isn't that an incredible

skill the world needs? You see these world leaders at the moment

and some people that own, like, the biggest companies. I'm

not talking about social media companies so much, but there's a

couple of companies that seem to be really brushing up with Donald

Trump. And I was thinking about Keir Starmer. Our Prime Minister

and our king at the moment have got Donald Trump over here for

a second state visit. No one's ever been given a second state visit.

Why is that? It seems, on the face of it, ridiculous. But I think

it's a brilliant move because the only tools you have with Trump

is flattery shouldn't be like that. You should be able to have

a president that's mature enough that you can speak frankly

to him and you can tell him how things are, and he would still

be mature enough with the soft skills to be able to go, do you know

what? You're right. I won't put tariffs on your country because

they're already fair. I don't think he understands tariffs, but

that's a different story. I don't want to get too political,

but it's one of these things that, why is Keir Starmer and the

king brushing up to someone like President Trump? That does lie.

One of his skills are lying. He can lie barefaced right at you,

and it seems to be okay with large numbers of people. That's a

card that he's good at playing and he keeps playing it and it's

winning. So what card is Keir Starmer playing? Well, his card is

patience and courage in the face of working with him. We don't

want large tariffs, Plankton dumped on our country at the moment.

So the answer to that is bring them in. Don't alienate them, don't

call them names. It's flatter them. Our economy would not cope

with tariffs right now. It would put thousands and thousands

of people on the go. It would put them out of work. So our king

and our prime minister is playing the cards they've got. Then

the card right now is Donald Trump. Loves the Royal Family, always

has done. So this podcast, I'm just saying to you, what cards do

you have and are you playing them or are you sitting back and

wait until someone hands you a better set or more qualified cards?

Because if you're doing that, the cards that are going to be handed

to you, let's face it, if somebody, if you get handed a card

a day, the chances are most of those cards are going to be shows.

Most of the cars you end up with, and especially if they're given

to you, they're going to be crap. The only ones that are really

good are the ones we work for, the ones we put time in and courage

and love and honesty and self awareness. They're all things that

doesn't come naturally. You've got to fight your inner, like, demons

and your shadows to go, no, I'm gonna be honest. I'm not gonna

fight back. I'm not gonna call them names. I'm not gonna take an

angry action that is gonna hurt people. Because we all feel

like it that people honest. You know when people say, oh, Stephen,

you're really kind, I'm like, I'm really not. I say this a lot,

but, you know, deep inside, I'm really not that kind. I'm selfish.

I'm. I think of myself a lot. I think. I think I'm some kind of

hero because I'm doing all right in life. And, you know, when

I'm playing the victim, I'm like, not really playing the victim.

I'm playing the hero. Look at me, I'm a victim. I'm paralyzed.

I'm this really. I'm just deep down trying to go, yeah, I may be

the victim, but I'm a hero, really. And I think if we're just

honest with ourselves, with that self awareness, isn't that the

reality? When I do something really nice for someone, yes, I'm

doing it for them. And yes, I want to be nice to them. And yes,

but it's because I feel good. If I'm. If I call someone a name

or if I'm nasty, I feel bad. So therefore, am I doing it for them

or am I doing it for me? I'm doing it primarily so I don't feel

bad. If I donate or I give something, I do it because it makes

me feel good. And in the long run, it helps them. I can always

remember I was doing Penny for the Guy. I must have been about.

I must have been about 12, and we'd put together this crappy guy.

Then in the UK we have Guy Fawkes Night. It was November 5th.

It's where Guy Fawkes tried to blow up Parliament. And I don't know

how long ago, but he had a plot and he put all the gunpowder

in there and he didn't quite manage it, but he got caught. So

every November 5th, we kind of. I don't know if we celebrate

the fact that he was going to blow up Parliament or we celebrate

the fact that we caught him. Well, I don't know what we do, but

every single November 5th we light bonfires and we normally have

fireworks. And all that night we put on. We make up some kind of

human effigy, I think it is, and we get some, I don't know, a

tracksuit or something, we fill it with strawberries and different

things and we make up the guy and we go around, I don't know as

kids, I don't know if they still do it now, but we used to go,

penny for the guy. And we used to collect some money to buy some

fireworks, to set some fireworks off. And I can remember

walking to the rugby club to put our guy onto the fire. And I

stopped the lady, I said, our penny for the guy. And she put down

all her bags and bearing in mind I was like, I was 10 or 12 or

something, and she put down her bags and I said, no, no, don't

worry about it, don't worry about it. Because I was starting

to feel bad because she was. I just realized that she must have

been homeless or certainly was sleeping rough at the time. And I'm

guessing she was 50, 60 years old. And she got out her little tin

and she opened up her tin and I said, no, no, honestly, don't worry

about it. It's absolutely fine. I was feeling bad. But she

opened up a tin and they had that much and she got out a little

bit of money and she gave it like, I remember it was 10p or something.

And I said, honestly, no, please, because I was feeling really

bad by this time. And she honestly, no, take it, take it. I

think as though my friend, my friend was feeling the same as me

and she wouldn't let me not take it. So I took it and I went

on. And I've never forgot that feeling of she felt really good in

giving it to us. A person that had nothing felt really good at giving

it to us. And I felt really bad at Taking it, but she wouldn't

have it any other way. That was like. And that's really. Yeah.

Never forget that. So back to the cards you've got. If I read out

some soft skills or some cards, how many of these do you think

you have? Patience, kindness, courage. Are you a good listener?

Do you have self awareness? Are you honest? Do you have a good

presence? Are you emotionally resilient? The ability to hold space

for others, staying grounded under pressure? Can you speak your

truth, but can you do it with care? All of those things I wrote

down, and I'm probably reflecting a bit because a lot of

those things I'm trying to. I'm trying to be a better listener.

I'm trying to have more self awareness, you know, I'm trying to

speak my truth, but with care. And I. I'm getting there. I'm doing

okay, I think. But there's always room for improvement and.

But those are skills we need right now. So if we look at everything

you're dealt, you can't do anything about the ones you're holding.

You can try to push them away, you can try to put them to the bottom

of the deck and things like that, but the reality is you have

them all. You can choose the ones you play, but you cannot throw

them away. You cannot get rid of them. And you're going to be handed

more and you're going to be sitting on more duff cards than you

are like great cards. That's the reality. It's probably a ratio

of. I don't know, there's probably some ratio out there of

like the two buckets I mentioned in my last podcast. There's

more bad buckets than there is good buckets. There's more tough

times than there is good times. And I'm glad it's that way

because we wouldn't enjoy the good times so much if we didn't have

more bad times than good times. You imagine going for your

life and you're having a good time. You imagine having a wonderful

childhood, having everything you possibly wanted, and you get

to the age of 18 and you meet your perfect partner. You get married

at the age of 23, and you move into a lovely house with a picket

fence and you get your first car and you both have a wonderful

career and you have two children, one girl, one boy, and

one grows up to be a doctor, and one grows up to be, I don't know,

a plumber. So you've got someone to help you out whenever

you're pouring, or someone to fix your plumbing, maybe you need

four. You need a builder and an electrician, and you need all

those other things. And you end up in a perfect, lovely home.

And then you end up with a wonderful pension. You wouldn't know

what good is. You wouldn't know what a wonderful experience

is, because that's all you would know. You wouldn't enjoy what

you're eating if every meal was wonderful, you know, how do you

know to sit down and go, john, that was really nice? It's because

you've been dished up crap before. And I know this is so dead

simple, but we need to be reminded of this. We need to be reminded.

So from a paralyzed perspective and a life of a lot of

pain today, I've got next to no spasms. My hands are. If you're

watching this on YouTube, my hands are quite loose today. And

it's. It's so nice to be able to move around without the body shaking

and hurting and so nice, you know, it's not too cold. I'm in here

and, you know, But I wouldn't know what a nice day without spasms

are if I didn't have bad days where my spasms are just intolerable.

That's a reality of life. That's what it means. That's why

the Buddha said, to be alive is to suffer, just to be here and

existing. You will suffer. You will get those bad cards. Okay, I've

labored the issue way too long now. Can I go the rest of the podcast

about mentioning cards? Thank you to you guys. I really appreciate

your support. Appreciate you hanging in there. Head over to stephenweb.uk

there's a link in the show notes. And don't forget, there's

links on there to the Inner Peace Meditations. There's links

to my weekly calm. There's my blog. I'm trying to do a bit more

political blogs and all that and political writing and all that

and things like that. So, yeah, I'm just. I'm in a good place

at the moment, so I'm doing a few more podcasts and things like

that. So if you've got any ideas for podcast subjects, please

let me know. And if you're a donator, message me and I'll give

you the link to the WhatsApp group that I've got to catch up on.

The WhatsApp group, actually, I noticed they've been in there talking

and all that, so I've got to catch up with it. Just thinking out

aloud. Right, look, guys, I'm gonna say thank you. Thank you for

sharing. Thank you for hanging in there. Thank you for the coffees.

And yeah, I love.

In a Hard World, Your Softest Skills Are Your Strongest Asset

In this episode

The question this answers

The heart of it

One small thing to try

Questions people ask

The companion meditation

The transcript

One calm email.
Every Sunday.

In a Hard World, Your Softest Skills Are Your Strongest Asset

In this episode

The question this answers

The heart of it

One small thing to try

Questions people ask

The companion meditation

The transcript

More honest conversations

One calm email. Every Sunday.

One calm email.
Every Sunday.