Do you actually rely on anybody? I cannot put a jumper on without help, and it took me most of my life to stop saying no thanks. You rely on people too.
Do you actually rely on anybody? I cannot put a jumper on without help, and it took me most of my life to stop saying no thanks. You rely on people too.
Looking back at a year you do not see a line. You see moments. The lad who chased me down the street with a pound for the bucket. Everybody is climbing the same mountain from a different side, seeing something genuinely true and calling everybody else wrong. Nobody is a hundred percent wrong, and very rarely is anybody a hundred percent right.
One thing to try: Accept one offer of help this week that you would normally turn down.
In this episode
(0:06) Thank you for the last twelve months, and happy New Year
(1:15) The lad who put a pound in the bucket
(2:23) Breaking your neck as a teenager, and relying on people
(3:23) Not replying for days, because I do not know what to say
(5:05) This is what I can see, and you are wrong
(6:28) The Lion King, and crying at it
(8:00) Very little we can do alone, and very little we cannot together
Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk
Thank you for listening.
Steven
The question this answers
Do you actually rely on anybody?
I cannot put a jumper on without help. I need people to get me out of bed, to shower me, to do the most private things there are. And it took me most of my life to stop answering an offer of help with, no, I'm okay.
You rely on people too. You just get to pretend otherwise for longer.
The heart of it
Looking back at a year you do not see a line. You see moments.
Everybody is climbing the same mountain from a different side, seeing something genuinely true, and calling everybody else wrong.
I did five hundred miles in my electric wheelchair for charity this year, twenty eight days round Cornwall. I do not remember it as a journey. I remember the lad who chased me down the street to put a pound in the bucket. The Canadian couple who were kind enough not to be offended when I called them American, and who I then saw every day for a week.
The only way to really solidify a moment is to be in it while it happens.
Breaking your neck as a teenager is possibly the worst way to learn about depending on people. But you need the medical people when something goes wrong, the lawyer, the plumber. You need somebody to talk to. You need somebody there when it goes right, or the going right does not fully land.
Nobody is a hundred percent wrong, and very rarely is anybody a hundred percent right.
We are all yelling our own elevation at each other. Soften a bit, lean into being wrong, and people open up. Come at it with certainty and they lock the door.
I sometimes take days to reply to a message, and it is not rudeness. Somebody buys me four coffees and I genuinely do not know what to say back. I do this because I love doing it, and that is enough, and it does unfortunately cost money to host.
I went to see the new Lion King with my daughter this morning and cried. I am half convinced Zen masters wrote some of it. Forgiveness, betrayal, forgiveness again, and the fact that none of them can do it alone.
One small thing to try
Accept one offer of help this week that you would normally turn down.
That is the whole of it. Not a grand gesture. Just do not say no, I'm okay, the next time somebody means it.
And when I finish these by saying I love you, that is what I mean by it. I accept you entirely as you are and I would not change a thing.
Questions people ask
Is this a New Year episode?
It is, though I do not particularly subscribe to the concept. I do think it is remarkable that we celebrate a lap round a giant ball of hot gas, which is stranger and better than the calendar.
Why is accepting help so hard?
Because it feels like admitting something, and because we have all decided independence is a virtue rather than a temporary arrangement. It is temporary for everybody.
Is this a short one?
Yes. It was a thank you first and an episode second, and I saw no reason to stretch it.
Read along
The transcript
It follows the audio. Press any line to jump there.
update · gratitude · personal-story
Read the transcript
I just wanted to do a quick podcast to say thank you for the
last 12 months and happy New Year.
Although I don't overly subscribe to Concepts, I do think
it's incredible that us humans celebrate spinning around a giant
hotel gas ball on a rock, traveling I don't know how fast.
I just think it's awesome.
It's just.
It's so much more mysterious and magic than the actual new year
has as we see it.
But my last year has been incredible.
I've done some incredible things.
I did the 500 miles in my electric wheelchair for charity.
I learned so many things.
I learned that life is simply about moments.
Nothing more, nothing less.
You don't look back in a linear way.
You look back at moments.
When you look forward, you look at moments that are coming up.
And the only way to really solidify the moments is to be in
the moment.
And I realized when I look back at my 28 days going around Cornwall,
I don't see it as a journey all around.
I see it as meeting someone on that day or someone saying a lovely,
kind word, or that little lad that put one pound in the bucket
after chasing me down the street.
The lovely Canadian couple that were not offended when I called
them American.
And I seen them every day for the next week.
And just all these beautiful people being kind, whether local
or whether from all over the world.
And I think one thing I've realized and I've struggled with
all my life is the fact that I'm so reliant on other people.
I need people to get me out of bed in the morning.
I need people to shower me.
I need people to do the most intimate things and everything.
I literally cannot put on a jumper without someone helping me.
And for many years, when people offered to help, and I still
do it now, I say, no, I'm okay.
When really I want to go, oh, my God, yeah, thank you.
That'd be so nice.
It's just one of those things that we don't like to be interdependent
on other people.
We don't like to have to rely on people.
And it's possibly the worst case scenario when you're a teenager
and you end up breaking your neck and you end up relying on people
all your life.
But the reality is you're no different than me.
You rely on people.
If something goes wrong, you need the medical services, something
goes wrong legally, you need the lawyers, something else goes
wrong and you need a plumber.
We need friends for connections.
We need people to talk to.
We need people at the end of the podcast to do podcasts, the list
can go on from the day you're born.
You need people to nourish and care for you, and you need people
there when it goes wrong, and you need people there to share when
it goes right.
And I equally need people to share in my wonderful experiences.
That's why I share what I do on here, because I think you guys
are awesome.
And all the messages I get, it brings me to tears.
And sometimes I don't reply for several days because I don't
know what to say to you.
So if you're one of those ones that donate three or four coffees
and I don't reply for three or four days, it's because I don't know
how to thank you.
I don't know sometimes what to say.
It's quite overwhelming.
I do what I do because I love what I do.
I love helping people.
And for me, that's enough.
Unfortunately, it does cost money to do it, and luckily we've
got wonderful relationship that we don't have to do any adverts
and, you know, the coffees are enough to pay for it.
But that's why sometimes it takes me a little while to thank
you, and then sometimes some months, the donations are really
brilliant.
And I feel like phoning up and giving it all back and saying, you've
given me too much money.
I don't need it.
But it's just.
It gives me a new mic or it gives me a new bit of equipment to
make my life a little bit easier.
So I think if I had a New Year's message, it would be, we're
all interdependent.
We all need each other.
And if we can only learn to realize that everybody else is where
they are, and you can.
You cannot do anything about that.
You know, the level they are, the thoughts they are, the conscious
level they are, the they are if you.
If you take it.
Everybody's climbing up the same mountain, but from different
points on that mountain, different elevations.
They can all see different things.
Unfortunately, we're all yelling at each other, saying, this
is what I can see, and you're wrong.
And someone else is saying, this is what I can see and you're
wrong.
And clearly it's wrong people, and clearly it's right people.
But nobody's 100% wrong, and nobody's very rarely 100% right.
And I think when we become a little softer and a little more vulnerable
and leaning into our ability to be wrong, then we can listen to
others.
The more we open up, the more they open up, the more we go at it
overstanding, the more they will lock up and move away.
So I'm learning to say, yes, I'll take that help.
I'm learning to lean in.
And, you know, like, you'll notice my later podcast, I go, hey,
if you can get a coffee, it'll help with the podcast.
And it's really difficult to do those kind of things.
And if you don't, you don't.
And I've mentioned it twice on this podcast.
Don't donate on this podcast, because it's not about that.
I just want to wish you a happy new Year.
And I wanted to share that we're all interdependent, and once
we embrace that and once we realize that my granddaughter's now
one, and I look at her and she smiles, and I just want to cry.
I went to see Lion King this morning, the new movie, and I cried
in that.
I reckon Zen masters have wrote some of that.
You know, if all kids would learn to listen to Lion King as the
most wise wisdom book film of all time, we would all be a little
kinder.
There's real life lessons in that.
There's forgiveness, there's betrayal, and then forgiveness.
There's working together, working with different people.
There's the interdependency.
They cannot do it alone.
There's so many lessons and teachers in that.
And I went there to do with my daughter, 28, on the way in.
She wasn't there at that point.
So I looked up to the guy at the plaza, and I looked up and goes,
yeah, can I book two tickets for this afternoon?
It's me and my daughter.
And then she walked up, and I'm sure he was like, oh, yeah, my
daughter's 28, but, you know, she loved Lion King when she was
a kid.
We love Lion King now, and she liked this movie even more.
So I'm just rabbiting, rambling, rabbiting on now.
I just wanted to take a deep breath, and I've got a wonderful
podcast coming out in the next couple of days about who really has
our backs and it's not who we think.
And in all uncertain times, how do we lean in and be truly vulnerable?
I tell you how we do it.
We do it by recognizing our interdependency on everybody else.
There's very little we can do alone, but there's very little we
cannot do with the help of everybody else, the community.
I'm sure someone famous said that once.
That's certainly not my words.
I'm not that wise, but it's certainly true.
So I know I'm sharing this on my inner peace meditations as well
as the stillness in the storms.
I just want to say thank you to all of you and I want to say something
really important and I want to explain.
I end my podcast very often with I love you.
And the reason why I can say that is because I accept you fully
