The Truth About Anxiety & Imposter Syndrome

Q: Will it get quieter as I get better at things?

Not in my experience, and I have chaired planning, a city council and a finance committee since. What changes is how much notice you take, not the volume.

Q: Is not having voices in my head a bad sign?

No. Apparently not everybody has them, and I only learned that recently. This is about whichever way your own second guessing shows up.

Q: What if I genuinely am the least qualified person in the room?

You might be. The one percent you do know might be the one percent nobody else has, and you will not find that out by staying quiet.

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The transcript

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anxiety · self-worth · confidence · personal-story

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So I want to talk about anxiety and imposter syndrome.

And more importantly, I want to say this on the record.

Anxiety and imposter syndrome are not the problem.

The problem is thinking we shouldn't feel them.

Okay, on today's episode of Stillness in the Storms, I'm going

to talk about my journey with imposter syndrome and anxiety and

my experience of it.

So is anxiety and imposter syndrome a real big problem?

Those voices inside of our head that, you know, are they the

problem or do we.

Should we get rid of them?

What should we do with them, how to deal with them, how to get

over them and things like that.

That's on today's episode.

So welcome to Stillness in the Storms.

I'm Stephen Webb, your host, and this podcast just helps you through

some of life's more difficult challenges.

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So thank you to all of you that donate and support and pay monthly.

You guys are awesome.

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It's not.

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So if you'd like to join that if you become a donator, any amount

of money, any amount of donation you donate, one coffee and

you're welcome to join.

But anyway, let's get on with today's episode.

So I was asked by Toby and the group about imposter syndrome and

anxiety, and it made me think about.

And it's been a couple of weeks now since he asked, and I've

been really thinking about it.

When I'm sitting in council meetings and I'm doing my thing and

driving around in my chair, and I really suffer from imposter

syndrome.

I don't think for a minute I should be there.

I don't think when I look around, I see accountants and architects

and lawyers and solicitors, and these people have been traveling

around the world doing their professional business.

And I'm sat there thinking, do you know what?

I'm here because partly I'm in a wheelchair.

And maybe people vote for me because they feel sorry for me.

Or maybe they vote for me because they think it's a different

angle.

But I didn't go to university.

I didn't go and get any qualifications.

I haven't got any letters after my name.

You know, I didn't even pass my GCSEs at school.

I can barely read through a book without it driving me crazy

and struggling.

You know, I am really that 33% book reader and I'm just learning

that's okay.

And every room, every meeting I go into.

I'm a trustee of a local charity, CEP and Community Energy

plus, and they help out with some government money, some money

from different sources.

They help people that cannot afford to pay their bills, mainly

their gas and electric, and they might help them to replace the

boiler if it's getting too old and to be more energy efficient.

And also they give advice to companies to become more carbon zero

and helping out the environment and all that.

So it's a good, all around brilliant charity.

And I sit in with the other trustees and I think, oh, wow, I

shouldn't really be here.

I haven't got the depth you guys have got.

You've got years of being an architect, you've got years of working

in the health sector and all that.

What have I got?

Yeah, they welcomed me and I even sent an email when I got elected

on Cornwall Council and I looked up and said, well, I feel

like I've earned my place now.

And one of them got back, you've always been here, you've earned

your place.

But you know what I mean, it's like we don't very often we think

we don't deserve the place, but we do absolutely deserve a place.

And I'm going to share one more story before I get onto my advice

and my thinking.

I was mayor at this point for three weeks and I was invited to

a climate change conference.

So I went there.

It was at the Elverton Hotel and talking to people and all that.

And I knew I was on the panel that afternoon for a Q and A.

So they set up a table up the top of the room and there's room

for the chairs and all that.

And I was on the left hand side of the panel, as you look at

the panel.

And next to me was an expert from university at Exeter that he

wrote books, he'd done all these things about climate change.

Next to him was someone that was part of setting up.

Oh, no, it was the cabinet holder for the environment for Cornwall

Council.

And then next to him was.

I think it's the person that was partly to do with organizing

the event itself.

And they had a real big background.

So all these people have presented and done something during

the day.

And here I was just the mayor of Truho.

And the first question come along and I was like, please don't

come to me.

Whatever you do, don't ask.

And there was someone there comparing it, and someone asked in

the audience about climate change and what we're going to do

and the big picture and all that, and how do we align, how do

we get everybody on board to try to do some of it?

And I'm a firm believer in climate change.

I think just lay my cards out there.

I think humans are causing it in a much faster, rapid way than

it ever happened before.

In my tease, I used to say it's not real, because I knew more

than all the climate.

I wouldn't suffer from positive syndrome in my 20s.

You know, I knew all.

I knew more than all of the climate change experts at that point.

And I used to say, well, the earth warmed up 6,000 years ago and

they want a 4x4.

Then I knew nothing.

So the irony is, when I didn't have imposter syndrome, I thought

I knew everything.

There you go.

And it just makes me laugh when I think about it.

But I was there, sat on the end, and that big question come along.

How do we align people?

How do we get people behind it?

And I was just, like, looking the resting.

And they passed the mic to me.

Here I was holding the mic, and we each had about three minutes

to answer.

And bear in mind, the guy sat next to me was the person that had

done the lectures already that day.

And I started, I said, look, here's the thing.

I don't talk to anybody that doesn't believe they want to live

in a healthy environment full of parks and nature and clear air.

So whether you believe in climate change or not, how about

we just focus on creating an Earth that we all want to live in?

And I said that in about three minutes.

So I probably rambled it, but that's the gist of what I said.

And then they passed the mic to the next guy and he looked up,

said what?

He just said.

I couldn't say it better.

And in that moment, my imposter syndrome, it didn't disappear.

I thought it had for like three weeks.

I was, like, jumping in the air.

And so there I was without imposter syndrome, all done.

It doesn't work like that.

If I was, a few weeks later, in another meeting, chairing the

Council feeling absolutely dreadful, terrified, not thinking

I'm up for the job or not thinking I'm qualified to be there.

And over the past two or three years, probably, I don't know, probably

four years since then, I've learned that my anxiety doesn't go,

my imposter syndrome doesn't go.

It's still there even when you get more and more qualified.

More and more meetings.

Right now I've got to write in a page of explaining why I would

be a good vice chairperson for one of the committees, but I haven't

wrote it yet because I'm thinking I haven't got the qualifications

to do that.

These councillors are way more qualified than me.

They're older than me, they're more cleverer than me, they got all

these different qualifications under their belt.

But yet I chaired planning for a year, I chaired whole trusty council.

I.

I've chaired the finance now for the last year.

You know, I have.

If I read my CV and it was someone else's name at the top, I

would have a different opinion.

And I know it's easy for me to sit here and say, well, I've done

these things.

I now don't.

The point is, my imposter syndrome is no different today than

what it was when I had nothing, when I had no experience.

And the same with the anxiety, to the point where we had the first

full council meeting two weeks ago, Tuesday, and I left the house

that morning.

I had to get my carer to get a jug because I was feeling so sick.

I was literally sat next to the bed going, I can go.

I feel sick.

And I was urging and everything.

It doesn't go.

And I think on that point, just the same as I talk on podcasts

all the time about these 10,000 voices.

Listen to the voice, but don't make that voice the one in charge

of you.

That's the important part.

The voice is okay, that voice of anxiety, that voice of imposter

syndrome, just to go, hey, are you sure you know what you're doing?

I don't think you do.

And the anxiety, you go, get out of it.

Get out of here at all costs.

And then another voice comes in and goes, no, hang on a minute,

you guys.

Thank you for putting your nose in, but it was okay last time.

Perhaps we can do it.

Perhaps we can sort it.

And that's what it is, that inner dialogue in your mind that

I used to hate.

That inner dialogue is just sorting out the voices, sorting out

the things.

I don't mean voices.

Like, are you Going mad.

You got voices.

We've all got voices in our head.

Well, I found out recently not everybody.

Everybody's saying everybody that's got empathy.

Anybody that has got any kind of awareness of awareness probably

has voices in their head.

That is second guessing things.

And I think that's okay.

I think we should embrace those voices.

Just don't give any of the voices way too much power.

The problem is if we listen to them too much and give them all the

power, they take over.

They're in charge.

It'd be like sitting there and the voice of anxiety is like a six,

seven year old.

The voice of imposter syndrome.

You is probably the teenager age where the teacher and you didn't

think you were qualified to read aloud at school and things like

that or something happened on your early years of working and all.

And that narrative all the time is the voice is from a certain

time and age, but it's part of who you are.

And I think that's okay.

My voice of 7 years old is still trying to fix the whole world.

Still gets upset now, but because it realizes it can't.

And on that weight of the Cornwall Council on my head, I just

had to pause this recording because someone's just phoned me

about a family that may end up homeless in the next seven days because

of something.

And I'm like, oh, my God, how do I do it?

How can I help?

How can I fix this?

But you do what you can from where you are and you realize that.

Thank you.

That 7 year old for deeply caring.

But the adult has got to also say thank you.

You've put your bit across.

I now need to do what I can.

And then someone says, well, that's worthless, that's a pain,

but what's the point?

Or whatever it's like.

And then another voice comes in and that's it.

That's the dialogue.

I think that's perfectly normal dialogue.

I hope you can still hear me over the dog next door.

It's part of the podcast.

It's part of life.

Jo.

It's so nice to hear kids out playing next door.

And we've had an elderly gentleman living next door to me

for years.

They've been there for over 40 years.

They weren't elderly clearly 40 years ago, but he passed away

after.

Been there a long, long time.

And now we got a younger family in there and it's lovely to

hear the kids.

And I'm no longer waiting for silence for the kids to stop playing

to record a podcast.

I was going to Record it anyway.

And if you can hear the kids or the dog, it's part of it.

So, yeah, going back to imposter syndrome and all that, it

is what it is.

The main thing is if you look at it, a room full of your voices,

and if that 12 year old stands up and you're the adult there, you're

sharing these voices and that adult, that 12 year old stands up

and says, you're not worthy, you're not, you shouldn't be here.

You should go back in your hole.

You shouldn't bother trying.

You're going to go, look, thank you, you've had your say.

Could you please sit down a moment?

I appreciate what you got to say, but can you please sit down?

Anybody else got something to say?

And allow the other voices to have their say as well.

The brave one that stands up and says, do you know what, I think

you should do it anyway.

I think you got something to say.

And then that brave voice is accompanied by a few other voices.

That one fear voice stands up and goes, listen, look, I'm frightened,

but I'm going to keep quiet because I'm going to let courage

take over here.

And it sounds so simple, but it is simple.

But it's not simple.

It's the paradox of the podcast, the explaining it, the book,

the psychology book, all these self improvement books.

That's the simple part.

And we've simplified it right down to a meme on Instagram right

now.

You know, imposter syndrome is not a problem.

Listen to the voices, but don't let them take control.

We've simplified it down so much now that we're finding it hard

to realize it's that simple.

And it is and it isn't.

The difficult part of it is doing it again and again and again

and just coming back to it.

Okay, it's back.

Hi, how are you today?

Like an annoying little lad down the road that comes up every

morning.

Hey, how are you doing?

Can I walk down the road with you and just tell you about my book?

I keep reading, tell you about trains.

It's like, okay, here we are again.

Go for it.

And that's what it is.

It's about touching it lightly.

It's about not denying.

I think it also comes back to the fact that we're trying to make

everything the way we want it for comfort.

We're trying to control the outside world and we're trying to.

I want to be part of it.

I want to step up and I want to do that.

But can I do it in My time when I'm ready.

And it doesn't happen like that.

You know, it's like the new firefighter, he's just finished his

training.

He's already.

It's like a great big fire breaks out.

Not yet.

Just give me a few weeks.

I want a few small ones first, please.

But you wouldn't say to that firefighter, I don't want you here.

You haven't done long enough.

You're going to go, go for it.

And that's the point.

You need to go for it.

You need to do whatever you're doing.

So the anxiety and the fear and imposter syndrome, humbling voices

and the last thing I'm going to say, and this is really important,

I was talking to a friend the other day about this subject and

I would rather sit in a room full of people with imposter syndrome

than I ever would sit in a room full of people that don't believe

they have it.

Because they're the people that are authentic and true and genuine

and second guess they're the people that will stop things burning

down because they'll go, just pause a minute, let me get my thoughts,

let me get my bearings right.

Doesn't mean to say we don't go ahead.

It just means we need to think about it for a moment.

And if you're not in touch with anxiety, if you're not in touch

with those fears, then they're going to come up anyway.

They'll just be louder.

You know, I heard a quote, I don't know, a few years ago and it

went something like this.

Confidence isn't the absence of self doubt, it's showing up anyway.

Do you know what?

Just to hold the room, just to be there.

It's not about confidence.

It's not about knowing that you've got all the answers, but it's

knowing you got a little something to contribute and you don't

know, that's the other thing.

This is the last thing.

Maybe you don't know if the 1% of knowledge that you believe you

have to be there is not the 1% knowledge that they absolutely need

on that day.

There you go.

Just like that.

I want to do a Sheldon and go bazinga.

If you ever watch that program, I can't remember what it

is.

It's funny anyway, right?

I'm gonna leave it at that for now.

Hopefully that helps.

Hopefully that.

Just listen to the voices, allow them to have their say, but

don't let them take control.

You've got a thousand voices inside.

Everyone is a fragment, not a full story.

Listen to them and don't let any of them take the wheel.

That's today's story.

That's today's message.

Thank you for donating.

Thank you for supporting.

Thank you for sharing.

You are absolutely awesome and I love you.

The Truth About Anxiety & Imposter Syndrome

In this episode

The question this answers

The heart of it

One small thing to try

Questions people ask

The transcript

One calm email.
Every Sunday.

The Truth About Anxiety & Imposter Syndrome

In this episode

The question this answers

The heart of it

One small thing to try

Questions people ask

The transcript

More honest conversations

One calm email. Every Sunday.

One calm email.
Every Sunday.