Voices of the Soul: Understanding and Embracing Internal Dialogues

Q: Will meditation quieten them?

Not in my experience. They have less effect on me and I am entertained by more of them, and none of them has gone.

Q: Is playing the victim wrong?

It is comforting, which is why we do it. I sit in the cage with the door wide open, telling everybody they have no idea. Recognising that is different from not doing it.

Q: Where do I actually start with mindfulness?

Stop in the street and look at a rock. Wonder how it formed. Watch a leaf and consider what those atoms have been doing for thirteen billion years. In that moment, nothing is wrong.

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The transcript

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overthinking · acceptance · buddhism · mindfulness

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I want to talk about my 10,000 voices.

And I don't know if there's exactly 10,000, but boy, do they feel like that.

And I'm tired. And all these voices just, they

don't get quieter in meditation. They don't get quieter the more I go on my spiritual journey. They have less

effect, but I haven't managed to silence one of them.

And when I set out on my spiritual journey, I set out to reduce my suffering. I am

now

arguably 50 years in because I'm 50 years old. But actively been about 10 years in now and

I haven't managed to silence one I I'm entertained by a few more nowadays I I laugh at

a few more nowadays. I enjoy some of them and some of them just still drive me insane. And

these voices all serve a purpose. And this podcast episode is just about... What goes on inside of our minds

and the

journey, what it means. And I just want to share some thoughts with you. On a good day we can

feel a good amount of empathy and compassion for others. On a bad day we're selfish and we're narcissistic. And

and it comes and goes. And it's sometimes exhausting, sometimes entertaining and just sometimes And

I suppose I thought when I started the spiritual journey that I would join some

Buddhist group and I would meditate and I would do some humming and I would be able to silence my

mind and I would sit cross-legged. Okay, I can't sit cross-legged because I'm paralysed but...

Even that, I had a voice that was like, you'll never be liberated. You cannot sit down cross-legged. And I

see people around me that go on retreat, go on silent retreats and they do these amazing things and and

they still suffer. They still come back three weeks later, six weeks later. How are you doing? Yeah, I'm struggling.

And

I see many people that are doing really well in life and you talk to them on another day and

they're struggling and I'm starting to realise. That's life. There is no freedom from suffering. There is no bliss.

And there's the paradox. The minute you realise that, you do have a little bit of freedom. And I'm starting

to realise the spiritual journey is not about avoiding. It's about adding. Adding the voice to the conversation. We

spend the very much first part of our lives developing these voices whether we like them or not. The voice

to make decisions. The voice to protect us the voice to Give us compassion the voice to give us

desires and what we want. All those voices come up and each person has a certain louder degree of each

voice. Imagine a spectrum analyzer when you see the music playing. Each one of those lines is a different voice

and for each person different ones are stronger. Some have more creative voices, some have more. Critical

voices. But they're all voices. And I think it was the voices I didn't like. It was the voices that,

no, that's not true. It's the voices that I disagreed with I didn't like. The voices that were telling me

where the liberation was. And brings me back to the quote by my teacher, Jun Po, which is, your angst

is your liberation and so listen sit down listen to the voice and the critic that you don't want to

listen to because they might have a point. They may not have a point, but they might have a point.

And what if they do? And I think about the most seismic shifts in my life. The ones that have

really given me the freedom and liberation. The Kensho moments. Kensho is, as far as my understanding

goes, it's a Buddhist word for

enlightened moment. You suddenly see something that you didn't see before and you cannot unsee it

um you know it's it's like when I was six years old, I had a Kensho moment maybe in six

And suddenly I was reading instead of going one word at a time, I suddenly realised these words make a

sentence. And I was like, holy crap, this is right. This is reading. And I I never forget that

feeling I bet when you I bet when you think about it, you have those feelings as well. Those little

moments where something just clicked. And once it clicked, there's no unclicking. And and I think a good analogy

I've heard you several times, Ken Wilber's used it, and that is you're in a dark room and in the

corner there's a shadow and there's a coiled snake. Then

someone comes in and turns a light on, you realise it's just a pipe. Well, if someone turns the light

off, it's really hard to see the snake again. You've been enlightened. That's a really good analogy, actually. Now I

see why they use it. But it's it's that realisation that... None of these voices are the problem. And

these voices, you could say our thoughts None of the thoughts are the problem. None of the feelings are the

problem.

It's how we use them and how we react to them as they occur to us. I think when I'm

going into my victimhood, when I'm going into my poor me... And

I do it quite often I It's kind of quite rewarding, actually. It's kind of quite nice. It's quite comforting.

You know, I'm locked in my or I'm in my cage with a great big wide open door and someone

says, come here, the door's wide open. I'm like, no, I'm okay sat in my cage. You have no idea

what's happened to me. You have no idea how bad my body's been. You have no idea how terrible my

life has been the last week. You know, you'll never guess what happened to me when I walked in that

shop the other day. And I do it. And I complain I moan. But their thoughts, their voices, they're part

of the cycle.

And a spiritual journey is not about getting rid of them. Spiritual journey is about being okay

with them. Do they have a lesson? Can we move on from them? What can we learn from them? And

and the same as there's so many poems and things like that it's Every person is our teacher. Every

person is the Buddha. Underneath the thoughts. Underneath the thought funnel I spoke about in a few podcasts ago.

Underneath all the noise. In

the silence we're all Buddhas. I can remember when I met my Mondo Zen friends. Incredible friends. I'm still friends

with them now and We used to do a chant in the morning, and I miss doing it because it

set me up in the nice way of nice framework for the day. It gave me that space that I

needed to to be I don't know, free of victimhood, I suppose. And one of the one of the things

we did was the four awakened vows. And number one was, however innumerable all beings are,

I vow to serve and liberate them all. And I had a real problem with this. I I really struggled

with this. However innumerable beings are. Talking about beings out there, I thought. I vowed to serve

and liberate them all. I thought I literally my job was to liberate all the seven billion people in the

world. And I said this to Doshin and jimpo and I said, that doesn't resonate with me.

And they said, yeah, what about all those beings within? Perhaps he's talking about voices

perhaps

you're All those beings within, you know, serve and liberate them all. It doesn't say silence them and

get rid of them. Serve and liberate them all. So that voice that says, hey, I need a bit of

a protection Ask the question why and wait for an answer. That

little voice that says, you know, you shouldn't be hanging out with those people. Silence yourself and wait for the

answer. Because the Western world and... The way we've butchered Buddhism and butchered the whole

enlightenment thing. It's like you go go there for a weekend, pay three thousand dollars and we'll give you the

tools to be enlightened. No that there is no. You know, we cannot even sit down now for a 20

minute video. We've had to bring out shorts.

Our attention span. I'm sure someone's going to bring out micro meditating.

Meditate less than three seconds every three days and you'll have the same, I don't know, reward as meditating for

40 minutes every morning. All you need to do is listen to this music. No, I'm not selling you that

that's It just doesn't work. Cannot see it ever working.

It's spiritual bypassing 101. All the thoughts that's going on. Recognise all the feelings that's coming up. And be okay

with them. I think that's the key. Just be okay with them. You don't have to do anything with them.

I talk about this a lot. I talk about this in during my meditations. You know, shit arises. You don't

have to do anything with it. And the Buddha said it so adequately. He said, look, if someone gives you

a gift, you don't have to take it. So someone throws an insult, it's up to you if you take

the insult and walk around for the next three weeks ago oh they call me ugly. They call me this.

They call me that they No that's your choice. They did it once. You're doing it a thousand times.

And everybody's got an opinion. Let them have an opinion. It's their opinions their problem. But it's easier said than

done, right?

Easier said than done.

So I put my head down at night and I lie there and I put on a meditation or I

sit there and I breathe and I observe my thoughts and I take myself off to some astro planing across

the universe with some quietness and all that to fall asleep, which really just basically means just to try to

quiet my thoughts. I'm not even very good at it. I'm terrible at The easiest way I find for once

they put on an audio audible book. Boom. 15 minutes. Put it on 15 minutes. Bang. I'm asleep

and Which is the problem because the Audible book is probably brilliant. But I'm not hearing it because just

hearing a voice externally just quietens the voice internally. So, I don't know. I'm

not confessing. I've got a podcast here. I've done over 100 episodes. I've got one of the most popular Inner

Peace Meditations podcasts on the internet, especially in Australia. And I'm telling you now, I

haven't got the answers. I

haven't found how to reduce my suffering. No, that's that's not entirely true. I found how to reduce my suffering.

I haven't found how to get rid of it because there isn't.

You'll have momentary things. You want to reduce your suffering? Practice mindfulness. But don't let anybody sign you up to

some courses and I'll in my opinion. The next time you're walking down the street, stop and look at the

look at something really mundane like a rock and go, that's a nice shaped rock. I wonder how that formed.

And spend a few moments with the rock Look at the leaf that falls well Wonder what that leaf is

going to do next, the atoms and the molecules from that leaf. Wonder the journey of 13.7

billion years, each one of those atoms in the least already done. That's mindfulness. In that moment, the world's fine.

In that moment, is there a problem? No. So the spiritual journey and

mindfulness and meditation just gives us the ability to jump in when

shit's happening

pema Shrodrin You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather.

You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather. And if you think about that, and really

now what that means. So I think what she means by that is, you know, the voices, the

sounds and the feelings, the emotions, the thoughts, all those things. It's just weather.

Grab a coat. It's all weather. You are the sky. Everything else comes and goes.

How brilliant is that?

And like Ram does, says, quieter you become the more you hear. And it's true because what he realizes

I was listening to him the other day on one of his audible books when I was driving somewhere, so

I didn't fall asleep um And he was saying about, he just tried to quieten the voices

and get rid of them, and the best you can hope for is just being entertained by them.

The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation, but your thoughts about it.

You are the sky. Everything's fine. It's the weather that varies.

It's our thoughts about it. It's our feelings about it. You know, why can two people look at the same

thing and one have a trigger and one one not Obviously it's not the object. It's the story.

It's the ego. It's the past. It's the triggers. You

know, one person can literally um have a fear of red cars. Another person can love red cars. Why? Perhaps

something happened to somebody. It's not the red car. Okay, I'm probably going to a terrible analogies now, but the

point stands.

All those voices, all those feelings can't liberate them all. And I can remember when somebody said to me about

me having a chip on my shoulder. And she said, the problem is with you. You think the world owes

you something, Steven. Oh boy, that was... I didn't like it. But I

was going through my spiritual time, so I was, no, don't react. Just be cool. Be Zen Master

Stevie. Which I'm not. But be.

And I thought, well, I'm triggered. I'm really annoyed by your comment.

Why am I annoyed? And I asked that question, why am I annoyed? Why is that voice want to shout

her down?

So I sat with it for a few minutes. And I said to her, do you know what? You

may be right.

I left it that But it really bothered me for a couple of weeks.

Do I think the world owes me something? Do I have a chip on my shoulder?

And she wasn't right entirely. But

nobody's 100% wrong. If the feeling arises, there's something there.

Well, it took me back to when I was on an air day in Farnborough. It

was a year after my accident and somebody pushed me up towards a fighter jet and there was a small

queue and the guy said, do you want us to lift you in? Would you like to sit and I

said, no, thank you. I'm okay. Of course, it's a fighter jet. I'm 19 years old. Hell yes, of course

I want to sit in it. But the other voice is to know, don't hold up the queue You'll be

trouble. You'll be hassle. You'll be this. And I spent most of my adult life being disabled

not wanting to make trouble, not wanting to hinder anybody, not wanting to bother

anybody. It reminds me of a time when I was in Tremlets and I was looking at all the magazines.

This was when you had Top Shelf magazines. I suppose you had them in America as well. And I remember

looking at the magazines. I was looking around at different shelves and all that. And this lady must have been

twice my age. I was about 25 and she must have been 50, 55. And she said, would you would

you like me to pass you one down? I said, no, no, no. I'm perfectly fine. No, seriously. And

I wasn't even really looking at them. I don't think I would was anyway. Maybe subconsciously, maybe. Who knows? And

she said, no, no, no, it's fine. And she passed one down to you. Would you like to look through

it and see if it's the one? And I was so embarrassed. I just wanted to die. I could not

get out of that shop fast enough. I just wanted to die. Those voices of shame and all those other

things. I digress for a moment. So I was in the middle of a time when... I needed a new

electric wheelchair, but I was frightened to ask people. I thought I had to give something in order to get

something. How have I got the right to ask anybody for anything? And I sat with this chip on the

shoulder and I felt like the world owes me something. But she was the opposite. It wasn't. I felt like

I didn't have the right to ask the world for anything. And

the reason being is I held a deep shame because of my accident. I was the dumbass that dived off

the wall. And

because of that, I'm paralysed because I'm the dumbass. So

therefore, I didn't deserve anything. I didn't deserve anything I got. And

I always felt like I wanted to give back.

And when people would say you're an inspiration, you're doing really well and all those other things, the voices inside

of me would go, yeah, that's rubbish. Look at you. You're an idiot. See what you did. And I used

to listen to those voices so loudly, albeit I didn't understand what they were telling me.

But really, they weren't saying,

I think you're an inspiration because you're a dumb ass that dived off the wall. They were saying, I think

you're an inspiration because what you did with it. So

again, it comes down to... Whatever happens is what you do with it that counts there's Whatever situation you're in,

how you handle it counts. Whatever voice that rises is what you do with it or do nothing with it.

Most situations you don't have to do anything with. And

you might not like the options. I think this is really important. Just sometimes we get paralysed through thought because

just the voices are slightly too loud.

So this podcast has ended up a little bit longer than I thought. I just want to thank you and

I thank all the donators. You really make a difference. All you people that have bought me a coffee on

buymeacoffee.com forward slash Steven Webb. There's a link in the podcast notes. There's a

link underneath the Youtube video. I just want to thank you with the bottom of my heart. Thank you for

bearing with me and

Liberate your voices. Say hi to them on a daily basis. Be entertained by them. It's the noisiest

orchestra committee that you will ever come across. It's like being in the room with 10 000 people

and you can't silence them because they're within.

Let me know. Message me. Go to my website, StevenWebb.com. Message me if this resonates with you in any way.

Deeply, deeply grateful to anybody that donates. I don't have a sponsor for the podcast and I don't ever intend

to.

This podcast is brought purely by you guys for love and they help you and support you

give the reviews. Take care.

I love you.

Voices of the Soul: Understanding and Embracing Internal Dialogues

In this episode

The question this answers

The heart of it

One small thing to try

Questions people ask

The transcript

One calm email.
Every Sunday.

Voices of the Soul: Understanding and Embracing Internal Dialogues

In this episode

The question this answers

The heart of it

One small thing to try

Questions people ask

The transcript

More honest conversations

One calm email. Every Sunday.

One calm email.
Every Sunday.