A Special Update: 500 Miles and a Heavy Heart – Philosophical Musings from the Road
What do you do when a friend dies while you are out raising money in their honour? I was on the road doing 500 miles for the air ambulance when I got the message.
What do you do when a friend dies while you are out raising money in their honour? I was on the road doing 500 miles for the air ambulance when I got the message.
He broke his neck a couple of years before I broke mine. Same level, same everything. He wrote a book. He flew planes. An hour after I heard, my ego said carry on and my body said no, and I had that argument the whole way. If you are listening to this you are alive, and that is the celebration. Do not go hunting one life purpose. Ask what your purpose is right now.
One thing to try: If you feel like you love somebody, pick up the phone and say it. That is a purpose.
In this episode
(0:06) I have not gone anywhere, and where I have actually been
(3:05) If you are listening to this, you are alive
(5:02) Which voice wins? The one you allow
(6:56) How the air ambulance helped them, story after story
(9:30) It is not me changing your life. It is you
(11:33) Ego with a little wisdom, and it being enough already
(13:49) Always helping others and never yourself will drain you
Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk
Thank you for listening.
Steven
The story behind this one
I recorded this from the road, halfway through five hundred miles in my electric wheelchair for the Cornwall Air Ambulance. I had just passed two hundred and fifty miles.
An hour into the day I got a message that a friend had died.
He broke his neck a couple of years before I broke mine. C5 complete, same as me. Paralysed arms, whole body, twenty four hour care, all the same problems I have. He lived just up the road.
He wrote a book. He flew planes. He was a chef. He played his cards about as well as anybody I have known, and he had a wicked, fairly dark sense of humour, and he would ring out of the blue and say, what the hell are you doing. Sometimes I needed that. I had spoken to him less than a month before.
When somebody in your situation and roughly your age goes, you look straight at your own mortality. So I had another four or five hours of road with that.
And my body had already been arguing with me. The first mile that morning it said, really, again? My head said yes. My ego said yes. My heart said go on, one more day. My body said no. That went on for about an hour.
What it taught me
If you are listening to this, you are alive, and that is the thing worth marking.
I do not think it is enough to say you are alive and leave it there, though. It has to be nourished with something, and the only thing I have ever found that does it is helping somebody else. Two weeks on the road, people stopping me constantly with their own air ambulance stories, and nearly all of them now give monthly or volunteer.
Do not go hunting for one life purpose. Ask what your purpose is right now.
If you are cold, put a jumper on. If you are hot, take it off. If you are hungry, make a sandwich. If your belly is full and you are warm and you have what you need, help somebody. That is enough and you do not need more than that.
The needle is not fixed pointing outwards, either. Aim it at yourself first when you need to, because pointed permanently at everybody else you will simply run dry.
And a word on the exhaustion, since people ask. I did not realise how much concentration the road takes. A pothole is a bump to a car and a canyon to a wheelchair, and I cannot always swerve if something is behind me. So every moment is spent watching the surface.
Even the people we deem as enemies are struggling with the same things. It may look different. It is the same ten thousand voices inside.
Questions people ask
Is this a grief episode?
It is a celebration more than anything, though it has grief in it. He would have had something dark and funny to say about me getting sentimental on a hill.
What if I have not found my purpose?
Then stop looking for the single big one. What you need to do next, right now, to be less uncomfortable or more use to somebody, is a purpose and it counts.
Should I do something for somebody else even if I am struggling?
Not before you have seen to yourself. That is the order, and it is not selfish. Facing the needle permanently outwards is how people end up with nothing left to give.
Read along
The transcript
It follows the audio. Press any line to jump there.
update · personal-story · nature
Read the transcript
Hello and welcome to a new episode of Stillness in the Storms. I haven't gone anywhere. I am still here.
Well, saying I haven't gone anywhere is kind of funny because I've been doing 500 miles in my electric wheelchair
around Cornwall to raise money for the air ambulance that 33 years ago saved my life.
And I just wanted to record a podcast because I've just broke the 250 miles today.
Most days I'm out on the road for five, six hours. But while I was out on the road today,
I had a
message
that I'd lost a friend.
A dear friend that had the similar life to me. He broke his neck
and he was a C5 complete the same as me. And he did it just a couple of years before
me.
And he lives just up the road. And he was one of those people in a situation that...
What what can I say he To me, he played his cards well, to use an analogy.
And he was a chef
um I don't know whether he'd become a chef after his accident, but he was paralysed. Paralysed arms, paralysed his
whole body. And he had 24-hour care and he had all those other things. He had all the issues I
have. And he wrote a book. And he flew planes. He he did all sorts.
And he was one of these ones that, you know, finds the gifts and plays plays the game of life
in an amazing way.
And not to sound um selfish but whenever you hear someone in a
similar situation or similar age that pass on like he did last night, you immediately look at your
own mortality. And
you look at your life and you start to evaluate your life and
33 years after my accident. I
love my life. I'm doing so much with my life. But the hours on the road today just gave me
so much reflection.
And it's a mix between immense joy with what I do,
what I love, what I've achieved. You know I've been a dad to my stepdaughter. Most
incredible thing. Being granddad now. Been on the road, raising money, saving lives.
So, you know, this isn't an upsetting podcast, although I got a tear in my eye. It's a
celebration that we're still here. If you're listening to this, you're alive.
And that's what I get from them
passing away. I
spoke to him less than a month ago and
he had the most wicked sense of humour um Quite dark at times he
He was always the words of brutal wisdom um even if you don't want to hear it.
And he'd phone me out with the blue and just say, what the hell are you doing? And sometimes I
needed that. And
I suppose we always presume people will always be there. Where's the gift? Well, the gift is I'm still here.
You're still here. And we don't know when our days are numbered, but we can get on and live life.
Or we can carry on dragging our hands around and complaining about the bad
weather on a certain day, which is non-permanent. We can complain about the aches and pains. You know, when I
started off this morning driving down the first mile, my my body said, really? You're doing this again?
And my head goes, yeah. And my ego's going, yeah. My heart's going, oh,
come on, just one more day. And all those different voices and my body's going, no. For about an hour
I had that internal dialogue and it just... It's
what happens all the time. You know, the voices of complaint, the voices of encouragement and it's which one we
allow win. I think there was some wisdom years ago that someone said you have these two inside of you
has the negative and positive or the lion and the tiger, I don't know. And someone says, well, which one
wins? It's the one you allow. And I think that's... You know, I talk about on the podcast quite often
about the 10 000 voices And we all have them. We all have that inner
dialogue. Well personally I don't know anybody that hasn't. I know people that have got a quieter inner dialogue. But
mine's pretty constant. It's like a bloody committee. And it's like I'm trying to compare a committee, but
nobody's listening to me all the time. It's way easier to chair the council members than it is to try
to chair the voices in my head. And the voices in my body don't get listened to knowing it so
much. My heart doesn't get listened to knowing it so much. And when you have something like this, an hour
in and I get the message and you
just stop and you look at the road ahead of you. And
you realise what you're doing. I'm raising money for the Cornwall Air Ambulance, which saves lives. And
what a beautiful reminder of how precious life is. How
precious your life is right now.
Mine
And everybody we know.
But I don't think it's enough to just go, hey, I'm alive. This is this is amazing I think you
have to find that nourishment in something. And the only way I found anything to nourish me is when
I've done something for somebody else, when I'm helping somebody else. And over the past two weeks, I've done
260 something miles And people come and tell me their stories all the time. Of how
the air ambulance helped them. And there's a wonderful synchronicity to every story of how much they appreciate life and
how much they, even if it's just temporary, they got on and did things they never thought they would do.
And nearly all of them give every month or do something or volunteer.
And that's the only thing that I have found in life that really does and
nourish my soul. That sounds so cheesy. It sounds, I don't know.
It does. I haven't got any other words for it. It's just the filling of the cup with
something that really does last and has a warmth and has a love
that is just
more wholesome, I guess. I don't know if the English language has words for these things, but I certainly haven't
got them. But that feeling of, ah.
And I suppose we meditate and we sit and we contemplate. This has been the longest meditation of my
life, doing these 260 miles I got 240 to go and I'm looking forward to them. I'm
exhausted. I am absolutely exhausted. I never realised how much I have to concentrate on the road. I
have to concentrate on every single bump because if I literally hit the bump, I will come out the chair
because potholes to a car are like bumps. They're like chasms like the Grand Canyon to a wheelchair.
So I have to concentrate. I can't just swerve around them because if a car is behind me or something
like that. So literally every moment I'm really focusing on the chair and our roads are not designed for a
wheelchair And
I'm exhausted. I'm tired. And that's okay. But I wanted to record a podcast I wanted to
say thank you to you for hanging in there, listening to the podcast. And um you you treat me to
a coffee, which helps to keep this podcast here because they cost monthly. And you listen to my Inner Peace
Meditations podcast and you send me how much I change your life. And I don't know how to respond to
that because I feel like running because... I feel don't put that responsibility onto me. It's not me changing in
your life is you changing your life. I'm just maybe giving you a few pointers where to look.
But ultimately just
try to find something in life you love and
just do that. And I don't mean in a find your purpose because I think finding your
one life purpose, I think that's bollocks. I think your purpose right now is if you're cold, put on a
jumper if
you're If you've got a full belly and you're warm and you've got everything you need right now, help somebody
else. And
that's your purpose. Don't
complicate it.
We complicate everything. We're like, oh, what's my life on purpose? What if I get to the end of my
life and I didn't find my life purpose? What if I didn't do the career? Just stop.
What's your purpose right now? Listen to this podcast.
What's your purpose after that? Do the thing that makes you comfortable. You
know, like I said if you're cold, put on a jumper. If your heart take off jumper If you're hungry,
make a sandwich.
If you feel like you love someone, pick up the phone and say, I love you.
Whatever that purpose is right now to to improve your life from this current position, that's it. That's
enough. You don't need more.
And I think that's why
right now I'm really enjoying doing these 500 miles. And when people say to me, do you want Steven You're
amazing. You're like the hero you're doing No I don't need any of that. It's nice to hear. Of course
it has My ego, I got a huge ego because I have
um You know, what ego doesn't like to be stroke like that. But really the the deeper down
um ego with a little wisdom, if ego ever has the ability to have wisdom
it's It's enough already just to know that I feel like I'm living my
purpose that moment. And
my purpose when I got that message was to carry on down that road
And think about consciously what
his life, what my life, what our life collectively means. You know, the one thing humans do
really brilliantly and butcher brilliantly at the same time is philosophy.
I have yet to come across a brilliant philosopher that actually comes up with an answer. But that's philosophy
when it
comes up with more questions, I guess.
Just think deeper and have wisdom. Wisdom is compassion and
understanding for everyone. We're all in this together. We're all struggling with the same things.
Even the people we deem as enemies are struggling with exactly the same things we're struggling with. It
may it may look different. It may be a different colour than yours. You
know, the painting may be the framework, what they're seeing from their perspective, what their life has taken them too
maybe different from yours. But believe me, it's the same struggle. It's the same 10 000 voices inside. It's the
same inner dialogue.
So just help people fulfill their purpose right now. And that purpose right now is how can I
help? And if you cannot, and if you need something for yourself, do that first.
And then you can turn the needle the other way. And how can I help somebody else? And
the needle isn't a permanent fixture in a one way it It's more pointed towards yourself and the inner self
than it is ever pointed outside. And
that's the truth. If
you're going to face your needle always helping other people, you will never... You'll
never get through it. You'll be drained.
You need to point that needle to yourself. How can I help me? What do I need right now?
And once we got over the materialistic little things like heating and warmth and comfort, what
do I need for the bigger picture? And
that would almost always come down helping someone else, whether it's you, your family,
strangers or anything.
So I don't know the topic of this podcast. It is what it is
and If
you want me to just record more It Is What It Is podcast on my thinking of the day, I'm
happy to do that as well. But at the moment, I'm halfway through. I've been out on the road nearly
every day and I'm exhausted. And
I'm... Thank you for my patience. My patience. Thank you for your patience and your
understanding and your love and your support on this podcast. I'm Steven Webb, your host and... You
can always help this podcast and keep it free and advert free by going to StevenWebb.uk and
