If I am grateful for what I have, am I still allowed to want more? Yes, and pretending otherwise is its own trap.
Happiness is not a good experience. Happiness lives in the mundane. But I still look at the numbers every week, and I still want the podcast to reach more people. Eckhart Tolle gave everything away and ended up on a bench wanting a sandwich. Of course he did. He is human. A man I heard being asked about losing it all said he had had nothing and knew he could be content with nothing, so the rest is nice but not load bearing. Have the dreams. Just do not hang your peace on them arriving.
One thing to try: Name one thing you want. Then ask honestly whether you need it to be alright today.
In this episode
(2:43) Happiness is in the mundane, not in the good experience
(4:19) Mayor, councillor, coach, and still checking the numbers
(5:21) Two different things that are also the same thing
(6:28) The extension, two years on, and what it did not fix
(7:42) Even if I get more, that will be enough
(9:12) Eckhart Tolle on a bench, wanting a sandwich
(11:16) I have had nothing, so I know I can be content with nothing
(13:52) Have the desires. Just do not attach to them
Support the podcast and join the Weekly Calm: stevenwebb.uk
Thank you for listening.
Steven
The question this answers
If I am content with what I have, am I still allowed to want more?
Yes. And this episode exists because Amanda emailed me after the last one and asked exactly that. If contentment is the goal, does that mean never trying to improve anything?
The heart of it
Wanting is not the problem. Needing it in order to be all right is.
If you are not content now, you will not be content when it arrives.
Contentment is the greatest wealth, because it survives both losing everything and getting everything.
I wrestled with this for years, because I had Buddhism wrong. I thought it was about not wanting things, and I want plenty. I want to write the book. I want it to reach people. I check the listener numbers every week and I feel better when they are up.
There was a television programme years ago that made this land. A woman with a smallholding and two horses said that all she had ever wanted was a proper barn and a few more horses, and then everything would be complete. They went back two years later. She had the barn and the horses, and the barn was not being used, and she was not happy.
I do not know the whole story and I am not judging her life. What I take from it is simple. The barn was never the thing.
Eckhart Tolle gave everything away and ended up on a park bench wanting a sandwich. Of course he did. He is human.
Somebody once said to him from the audience that it was easy for him, being comfortable and well known and settled. He went quiet and then said he had had nothing, and he knew he could be content with nothing, so the rest is nice rather than load bearing.
Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth.
The Buddha
And the trap has a second door on it, which people miss. Telling yourself you ought to be grateful, that you have more than most and therefore must not want anything, is the same attachment wearing the opposite coat. So is protecting what you have because you fear being unhappy without it.
One small thing to try
Name one thing you want. Then ask honestly whether you need it in order for today to be all right.
If the answer is yes, that is the attachment, and it is worth knowing about. The wanting can stay. It is the load bearing that hurts.
You will never have more money than you have now. In ten years you still will not, because that will be now as well. It is always here.
Questions people ask
Does contentment mean giving up ambition?
No, and the world would still be in caves if it did. Dreams and wants are what build everything. Just do not spend the life you have buying the one you are hoping for.
Can I be content and still be sad about something?
Yes. Contentment is not a mood. It is understanding how things are and accepting them as they are, which leaves plenty of room for grief and for wanting things to change.
How do I know if I am attached to something?
Ask what happens to you if it goes. If the answer is that you would be all right, eventually, you are holding it rather than clinging to it.
Read along
The transcript
It follows the audio. Press any line to jump there.
In this episode
gratitude · happiness · acceptance · purpose
Read the transcript
Hey, welcome. On this week's podcast, I'm asking the question, if I'm grateful and content with what I have, can
I dream? Can I have more? Can I? Is it okay to want more?
And I'm going to briefly go back to last week's podcast. And I've got some wonderful emails about last week's
podcast. And this is why I want to revisit. So really, it's a part two of the Paradox of Happiness.
I'm Steven Webb, and this is Stillness in the Storms, the podcast that helps you to think differently and helps
you to find a little calmness when things around you are going wrong.
I was really surprised by the amount of emails and the amount of attention that last week's podcast got. Maybe
it was because I haven't done a podcast for a while or maybe something else, but there was one email
that really stood out to me, and I'm going to read part of it now. and it was from a
lady called Amanda. And. And I love getting your email. So please email me. Please head over to StevenWebb.com and
I I will try to reply to every single email. I do get a lot, but I do try to
reply to comments and emails and anything that comes my way, and I do take notice of all the reviews
and everything that I wrote up. So really, thank you for that um Okay just before I go to that
email, I just want to thank. Thank the. Thank you for listening and thank you for sharing this podcast. I
really appreciate it. I've been doing this podcast now well over 12 months, and there's sometimes some weeks I miss
it, and some weeks, you know, I'm not. I'm not brilliantly um What do you call fluent about doing it
every single week? You know, focus. I really should be, because I really enjoy doing it. It's just sometimes I
don't know what you. What you want to hear or what I want to talk about, and I cannot get
my words out. So sometimes I'll record a podcast and I don't even release it. I've got a lot of
them. Perhaps I'll do Stillness in the Storms, the unreleased podcast, at some point. That'd be good. Let me know
if you want to hear some of them. You know, that they may be all right. I don't know. I
don't know. I'll let you be the judge of that. If you want to hear the. The Stillness in the
Storms, the unreleased podcast let me know. But Amanda emailed me, and it said have just
listened to your latest podcast, which was really good, and Again, it was the podcast that says the paradox of
happiness. And in this podcast, I was saying that.
And in this podcast, I was saying that really, happiness isn't some. A good experience. Happiness isn't about getting
something or anything like that. That's about having good experiences. Happiness is in the mundane, in the normal, you know,
the everyday things. Because if you're really down on your luck and having a hard time, just getting back to
the normal is feeling happy again. And if you're at a concert or anything like that, it's a wonderful experience.
But we often think that that's happiness. It's not. Happiness is really just. Just there. It's our. It's
what we are when we just. When we just relax. It's in the moment when we're not wanting or pushing
away and things like that. So that's what that podcast was about. But if you haven't heard it, I urge
you to go back and hear it. But you'll get the gist of this podcast. You won't need to go
back to that one if you want to continue listening to this one. What Amanda writes is, I understand that
true happiness lies in being content. But if you are content, does that mean that you can't dream?
What if you are what if you allowed yourself to feel were so content, it resulted in never trying to
achieve things? Oh, boy, that's a good question. Or you couldn't see better ways of doing things
as you were so content doing things as you always did them. That pull to better
yourself, that pull to want more, that pull to you know dream and build something in life. You know, I.
I'm the mayor of Truro now. Last year I was a councillor and Before I was a councillor as a
meditation coach. So I'm doing different things. I'm. You know, every week when I release a podcast
I look at the numbers, how many people listen to it, and every week, if it's growing, I feel a
little better. So it's that strange. This is why it's a paradox, really. It's that strangeness of,
you know, being happy with what we got, being grateful for what we already have and that wanting more. And
I really did wrestle with this for quite a while when I discovered Buddhism, because I thought Buddhism was all
about not wanting, and
I had it wrong, that I think I had it wrong. And very often I would ask some of my
teachers and all that. It's like, well, I still got desires. I still got things I want to do, want
to achieve. You know, I want to write a book, and I want to sell lots of copies. You know,
I want to change people's lives and. But where do you level that with this
state of just happy and being grateful for what you have? They're two different things, but they're the same thing
as well. And I remember watching a Tv program a number of years ago now, not nearly 10 years ago,
and they were doing up their small holding, and they had a nice little bungalow they had a little yard,
and she had a couple of horses, and they were kept in an old barn. And it was one of
these programs that they go in and they do some work and they go back a few years later to
see how it was. Well they did an interview with the lady, and she was saying that all she's ever
wanted is a nice big barn for her horses. And hopefully she could have several more horses.
And. And that would be it. That would be complete. Then she's got everything she ever wanted.
And it was really spoke at like, that was it. When she got there, that was it. And then And
then they went back at nearly the end of the program, five minutes to go, and they went back and
seen how they're doing. And this was two years on now. Then, of course, I don't know the whole story,
and I'm somewhat judging and I'm somewhat um using this example, but
it went back and she'd had these built, she'd had an extra couple of horses, but
things were really not that happy. She wasn't happy. Things had gone wrong in the relationship um Life had taken
another turn, and she just wasn't content. You know, the barns weren't being used at this point and things like
of that Then there may have been a number of things in our life that were separate to the body
So you know, I don't know what's going on in relationship and things like that. So there may have been
a lot of things out of control But the point is that if you're not happy with what you have
now, you won't be happy with what you get when you dream. And I think that's the difference. If I'm
not happy with the number of viewers for my podcast this week, I'm not going to be happy next week
because I will never be happy, because it'll never be enough. And I think this is where it comes down
to um the difference between grateful and recognising that enough is enough. And even if I get more, that will
be enough. And this is what. This is why it's so confusing and on. It can change on a daily
basis on a Minute to minute basis, you know, like if I get slightly hungry, I want some food now
If I get cold, I want to put a top on. So I have desires, I want things. But I've
got to It's recognising that none of it will really bring you any kind of full contentment unless you're already
content with what you have. And that's where it comes down to. You already have enough to be happy, you
have enough to be content. You,
you don't need anything more. And that's the difference. You don't want to be attached to that. When I get
this, I will be happy. And also you don't want to get attached to. Well, I should be grateful. I've
got more than most people in the world. I've got a better income, I got a better job, you know,
I've got my health, I should be grateful. I shouldn't be unhappy, I shouldn't want, I shouldn't dream for more.
No, that's a different thing again. See, really, there's nothing wrong with wanting and dreaming for more. It
only comes down to your attachment of what you think it will give you.
It's about attachment. And this is what the Buddha could not make any, any more clearer. Attachment is suffering. So
when I have that, or you can, you can become attached to. Well, I need to be grateful for what
I have. I shouldn't want anything.
Eckhart Tolle went down that route of um giving away, ending up nothing, ended up on a bench
with a desire for a sandwich. And he said, I've still got desires and wants Of
course, you're human, that's
wonderfully human to have desires and wants to better the world, to better your life. But
it's recognising that you cannot have any of those things right here and now
And the Buddha sums this up really, really well in this quote. And he says, health is the greatest
gift, contentment, the greatest wealth,
faithfulness, the best relationship.
Then of course, health is the greatest gift. You know, no amount of money in the world, no amount of
anything will replace health. You know, if you haven't got your health, you really don't have
much. However, you can still have contentment.
So contentment, the greatest wealth.
And here's the reason why I said contentment is the greatest wealth is because if you're content with what you
have, if you lose everything, you'll still be okay. And if you gain everything,
you'll still be okay. You know, Eckhart Tolle was asked on stage one day, someone said to him, it's okay
for you, you're chilled and relaxed. You're happy and you're giggly up there and you're doing your thing. You've sold
multiple books, you've got seven houses around the world, you're rich. And he's laughing in his way,
you know, Eckhart Tolle laughs and that was not a bad impression. Actually, I, I should do that Eckhart Tolle
impressions I'm sure nobody's doing that in the world. But anyway, anyway, he asked, any wonder you're happy and content?
And he laughs and he goes quiet for a minute and he replies,
well, I've had nothing and I know I can be content and happy with nothing. So therefore, yes,
these things are nice to have, but I'm not attached to them.
So that's the answer. And I know I've lost everything, you know, if I get into another relationship, I know
I can lose that relationship and be okay. I know I can go bankrupt and be okay, have a downturn
in my health and be okay. I can have an accident and be okay. And
and knowing that leaves you with a non-attachment to needing things. If you've got to protect
what you have because you fear not been happy without it, then that's that's an attachment
to what you have.
Then you can be really grateful for what you have and be really content with what you have and still
fear losing it.
That's the that's a similar attachment, but the opposite one to The attachment of wanting more, wanting to better your
life. I want my daughter to grow up. I want to see her successful and happy in her own right,
and I I want to see her flourish with children and you know, flourish in a relationship now
I want to grow old witnessing all that.
But if I sit here right now thinking that's what I need to be happy, then I won't be happy
now. I won't be content now with what I have.
So take a deep breath and be content with what you have right now.
That's the greatest wealth. You know, what does the Buddha say about contentment as well? In the
one Buddhist tradition, contentment is not the fulfillment of what we want, but the understanding of what
and how things are. Practicing contentment means using our conscious choice to see what's here and
accept things as they are with gratitude. So that's the thing right here, right now, be grateful
for this, this room, this ability to hear
anything right now in your life. Be grateful for that and accept it the way it is, because that
is the way it is. And that goes down to your desires and dreams and your wants to improve your
life.
Accept that you're a human, you have desires and dreams, you know, it's what's built
everything. You know, if we did not have desires and dreams, we would be still in caves now and we
wouldn't have even started finger painting.
It's what improves our lives, it's what improves society.
But we shouldn't, we shouldn't forgo our life now, our lives now, for a life
later. That's what it points to.
You know, you have everything in your life to be content enough, you
know, when is enough enough to be happy? Can you ever have any more in this moment?
No.
You can never have any more money than you've got now because in 10 years time, you'll never have any
more money than you have then, which will then be now.
It's always now, it's always here, it's always what it is. And you cannot change what it is.
So I guess the answer is
be careful to live your dream as if it can become a reality now. Because then we become
attached to and we miss what we have now. Does that make any sense? Because
it kind of does when I think about it. And then I blurt the words out and it's like, yeah,
no, maybe did it I'm Steven Webb and this is stillness in the storms and
you know, leave a review, let me know, head over to StevenWebb.com and send me a message. I do read
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