Beyond Happiness: The Importance of Nourishment for a Meaningful Life

0:02Steven Webb: Welcome to Stillness in the Storms, the podcast that helps you through the most difficult times in life. I'm Steven

0:09Steven Webb: Webb, your host, and I want to explore the difference between seeking happiness and nourishment.

0:17Steven Webb: This is something that I've been thinking about more and more recently. Is this giving me happiness or is this

0:24Steven Webb: giving me nourishment? I'm going to use a couple of analogies because you know me. I love my analogies because

0:30Steven Webb: it makes sense in my brain. In my mind, or whatever it's called. And yeah, I just think this is

0:36Steven Webb: this goes deeper into, I suppose, or maybe not deeper, maybe shallower, who knows, into my healthy

0:44Steven Webb: and unhealthy. So seeking happiness would be the unhealthy. Although, what's the problem in seeking happiness

0:51Steven Webb: what's the problem in that? You know, you often ask that question, what do you want to be when you're

0:56Steven Webb: older? I want to be happy. What do what would be like for my children? I just want them to

1:00Steven Webb: be happy. I'm changing my opinion on that. I don't just want to be happy because if you're just happy

1:07Steven Webb: all the time, you'll no longer be happy because it'll be your normal state of thinking. If

1:14Steven Webb: that makes sense? It's like, yeah, I was thinking of the analogy and hot and cold. If you're cold, you're

1:21Steven Webb: cold. You're not going to change that. But if you see what I mean the new happiness will become the

1:27Steven Webb: normal. So, but if we seek nourishment, we can still enjoy the times when we have those experiences to be

1:34Steven Webb: happy and we can embrace them, but we're no longer attached to that life needs to be there

1:42Steven Webb: at that place of happiness in order for me to be successful, in order for me to be happy, I

1:49Steven Webb: guess, to be fulfilled. I just don't think... We need to be there. And that I think that's part of

1:55Steven Webb: the problem. I do want to dive deeper in this subject. And I hopefully by the end of this podcast,

2:00Steven Webb: you'll see the difference between seeking nourishment and seeking happiness. And we need to go for what we need, not

2:07Steven Webb: for what we want. And I think we'll then get what we want. It's like it's always a paradox. It's

2:13Steven Webb: always like a Zen paradox or something like that. You know I Who was it? The Rolling Stones or something

2:20Steven Webb: like that um If you go for what you want, you might get what you need or something like that.

2:25Steven Webb: Always remember that. It's it's a good quote if I haven't butchered it

2:30Steven Webb: um but I'm gonna get on. I'm gonna get straight on with today's podcast anyway and I'll thank the donators

2:36Steven Webb: now at the end and I've got a special offer for you at the end to really make a difference

2:41Steven Webb: um Anyway analogies. Take... We've all got kind of friends. We've all got a few friends. We've got some good

2:49Steven Webb: friends. But I've got friends that give me good experiences I go out and have fun with. I might go

2:55Steven Webb: away on days and things like that way and I got friends that I don't need to do much with

3:00Steven Webb: and I can just sit in silence or And I feel nourished by them and I enjoy the experience by

3:06Steven Webb: the others. They're two different things. And if I wanted the experience and the joy out of all my friends,

3:14Steven Webb: it would just become normal and that I do need both. But I need to choose wisely on how much

3:21Steven Webb: I need of what. How much of who I need and what. And I do need to be nourished in

3:29Steven Webb: a way that I like to have that deeper conversation that... Makes me think um that taxes my mind

3:36Steven Webb: that And I know we all need this. I'm not saying that um I'm some kind of deep thinker, no,

3:43Steven Webb: because I don't think I am. I don't think I'm any different than anybody else. But I think we all

3:48Steven Webb: need to have, I

3:51Steven Webb: don't know, that friend that sits down with a cup of tea and gives us that deeper conversation that questions

3:56Steven Webb: how we think and gives us a broader perspective on life and You

4:05Steven Webb: know, recently I've been spending more

4:09Steven Webb: time alone because I've been enjoying it. You know, not alone in solitude and I've been choosing it, going out

4:15Steven Webb: for walks. Okay, in my wheelchair but I've been going out and I just, I would normally go out and

4:21Steven Webb: I put music on or I go live and I just don't feel like I want to do that anymore.

4:25Steven Webb: There's times when I do but I I feel like I'm being selfish with my time. It's

4:33Steven Webb: that I don't want to give my time to everybody else because they all want a bit of my time.

4:38Steven Webb: It's my time. It's my time to give when I want to give it. And I think

4:44Steven Webb: that's a healthy way of looking at my time. I'm still going to share it out. I've still got time

4:49Steven Webb: for other people. But it's not going to be all about other people I'm not going to Because I'm not

4:55Steven Webb: seeking that happiness of going places and doing things and filling every day with something I need to go out

5:02Steven Webb: and do. Another way of looking at this, happiness and...

5:10Steven Webb: Nourishment is you take fireworks. Every year, or remember for the last few years, but we go to the Firework

5:17Steven Webb: Display. I think it's the European or International Firework Display. I think one year we have the World Championships there

5:24Steven Webb: in Plymouth. It's about an hour up the road from us. I don't know why I'm pointing over there this

5:28Steven Webb: is something pointed over my shoulder, like as if it's behind me. I have no idea what direction this is

5:33Steven Webb: But anyway, we go up there and we watch the fireworks, and they're amazing fireworks. What an incredible experience. That's

5:41Steven Webb: happiness. That's an experience.

5:44Steven Webb: But the day later, I'm not buzzing, feeling the same thing. I'm only going to feel it when I'm actually

5:50Steven Webb: there watching it. I can share the experience. I can even bring it up on my phone. I can share

5:55Steven Webb: it on Facebook. It doesn't give me the same experience. Otherwise, if someone else showed me their video, I would

6:02Steven Webb: get the same experience. You cannot relive it. We want to relive it. You know, can you remember going out

6:09Steven Webb: as a youngster when you're like 18, 19? And you go out and having a fantastic night and It's so

6:14Steven Webb: cool. And you all say to your friends, oh my God, that was amazing. We've got to do that again

6:18Steven Webb: sometime. And then about four months later, you'll get together and you go down the night and you're all sitting

6:24Steven Webb: there like, hmm, not quite the same. Because that's where happiness is and experiences. We're always trying to

6:32Steven Webb: recreate or create something to make us feel better than what we are. Whereas nourishment isn't about feeling better than

6:40Steven Webb: what we are. I

6:42Steven Webb: like that. I'm going to repeat that. Nourishment isn't about feeding better than what we are, especially in the given

6:49Steven Webb: moment. But the rewards are great. So, you don't fireworks are the experience, the great,

6:57Steven Webb: wonderful thing to have, the happiness. But your garden is a different story. Your garden grows and it blooms.

7:05Steven Webb: It does all these things, but it does it so much slower, so much more subtle. But it'll give you

7:11Steven Webb: so much more nourishment. So there's a big difference between sitting there watching fireworks and sitting there watching your um

7:18Steven Webb: flowers grow. So

7:21Steven Webb: one doesn't overly improve the present moment, but one sits with nourishment. It means you got that piece and

7:29Steven Webb: you know it's going to grow. You know it's going to be more fulfilling. You know it's just going to

7:33Steven Webb: be... I can't think of a better word than nourishment. It just works so well. And take the analogy of

7:41Steven Webb: the glass. You know, I've always had a problem with the analogy of the glass. So you get the question,

7:48Steven Webb: are you a half full, half empty person? What does that mean? Okay, if you're half full, you're negative.

7:55Steven Webb: If it's a half full, you're positive person. And you've got a glass. Stop

8:03Steven Webb: arguing about whether it's half full or half empty. You've got a glass. You know there's no one asking what's

8:09Steven Webb: in the glass? You know, if you're dying for a drink or you want medicine, you want a particular thing

8:16Steven Webb: in the glass.

8:18Steven Webb: You know um what if someone says, well, I've got a full glass here. Brilliant. I'll take that. Down it.

8:24Steven Webb: And you find out it's poisonous. Hey, but it was a full glass. No one's asking what's in the glass.

8:31Steven Webb: But I know the point of the analogy. I do get it.

8:35Steven Webb: But let's build in the analogy and say, you know,

8:39Steven Webb: what's important is what you put in the glass. You'll have a glass. You'll have a life. You can choose

8:45Steven Webb: what to put in it.

8:47Steven Webb: And I think that's what's really important. You know, you can put alcohol in it and that'll give you some

8:52Steven Webb: time out that'll give you a little bit of a high, a little bit of a um time out, a

8:59Steven Webb: little bit of a, I don't know, trying to ignore life or an experience. There's many different ways of drinking

9:04Steven Webb: alcohol for whatever reasons. But

9:08Steven Webb: what does that do to your body? You know your all your soldiers have got to fight twice as hard

9:14Steven Webb: the night after just to be able to get you through the night because it's got to repair the blood

9:20Steven Webb: that's like somewhat poisoned. So it's all those things.

9:24Steven Webb: So

9:25Steven Webb: I'm going to do one more analogy and then I'm just going to, you know, talk about it as a

9:30Steven Webb: whole the way I see it. The other analogy is I'm a meditation teacher.

9:35Steven Webb: I don't like meditation. I don't enjoy meditation at all. You know. I don't think I've ever sat

9:43Steven Webb: down, even when I'm meditating with Zen masters and teachers. I've never sat down and went, it's going to be

9:50Steven Webb: exciting. Why would you? You know, you're sat there still. There's a million other things to be doing

9:58Steven Webb: on this planet that's a way more enjoyable than meditation. You know, right down to just grabbing an ice cream

10:04Steven Webb: out the freezer or having a bar of chocolate, listening to music, having a cup of tea. You know, even

10:10Steven Webb: having a sip of water is more entertaining than meditation. But what does meditation give you? It gives you wisdom.

10:17Steven Webb: It gives you calmness. It gives you the ability to see life through insightful eyes in a

10:24Steven Webb: calm way. And

10:27Steven Webb: when I say it gives you insight, it allows you to see your feelings coming up or recognise the feelings

10:34Steven Webb: coming up and you no longer identify with them. You have thoughts, but you no longer identify with them. So

10:42Steven Webb: it gives you a it gives you a sense of more control. It

10:48Steven Webb: gives you a sense of a deeper wisdom that you can really understand and live life through a

10:56Steven Webb: different way. From a real deeper perspective of more calmness. You're healthier. Meditation gives

11:03Steven Webb: so many health benefits. A lot less anxiety, a lot less... Well, I'm not going to say less anxiety. What

11:10Steven Webb: I'm going to say is it gives you more understanding of the way the anxiety mechanism in your body works.

11:16Steven Webb: The fear in your body works. All these thoughts and feelings that come up, they all have evolved to have

11:23Steven Webb: a purpose. Meditation gives you the tools to be able to deal with all of them. It's much like studying

11:31Steven Webb: at school. You know no one's very rarely people go, I can't wait to study more. But they're studying for

11:38Steven Webb: something later. That's a nourishing thing to do. You know, you're not eating salad because you're enjoying it,

11:46Steven Webb: unless you're totally strange. I'm not saying everybody's that is strange. I just have, actually. You know what

11:54Steven Webb: I mean. Please don't be mad me I like salad, but I don't get excited about it.

12:00Steven Webb: I like a nice salad that's got some stuff that's not so good for you on the side, like French

12:05Steven Webb: life and things like that. Anyway, again, I go off on a tangent um So going

12:13Steven Webb: back to... Just... Nourishment is things that you don't overly see the benefit there and then, but you do get

12:20Steven Webb: the benefit over time, over the days ahead, the hours ahead. You end up so much more happier in the

12:28Steven Webb: long run um You know, the opposite side to meditation is music. I love music. I put on

12:35Steven Webb: music and I I'm either feeling really good and, you know you remember that old song with um freddie mercury

12:43Steven Webb: it's dancing it's doing the hoovering, you know? I get it. I love music. And I also love putting on

12:50Steven Webb: music when I want to feel miserable as well. If I'm really feeling emotional, I want to put music I

12:56Steven Webb: want to cry. I like to feel things deeply um Let me know in the comments if that's what you

13:04Steven Webb: think and that's what you do with music as well. I like sad music when I want to feel sad.

13:09Steven Webb: You know, I think crying is such a gift.

13:14Steven Webb: But one of the things you can do is throughout your day, just ask the question,

13:20Steven Webb: Will what I'm currently doing benefit me when it's over?

13:27Steven Webb: And just that alone, just asking that, will update on the way you think and the way you see

13:35Steven Webb: what you're currently doing. So if you're listening to music and you're listening to favourite track,

13:42Steven Webb: what will I'm currently doing benefit me when it's over? Well, it might do for a few minutes. But after

13:48Steven Webb: 20 minutes or so, it's gone. It was your favourite track. You enjoyed doing it. Do it. But don't expect

13:54Steven Webb: the benefit to come through the day. But if you're meditating or you're eating salad or you're reading a book,

14:01Steven Webb: you're gaining knowledge or you're doing a course or you're studying, all these things, exercise at a gym, anything really

14:09Steven Webb: that's just nourishing you,

14:11Steven Webb: will that benefit you later? Yes, absolutely. Because you might be more calm when you go to sleep. You might

14:19Steven Webb: be more chilled when that family member turns up and they trigger you in some way. There's so many ways

14:26Steven Webb: in which, you

14:28Steven Webb: know, you know all the benefits of eating salad You know the benefits of meditation, you know, from the physical

14:33Steven Webb: health to the mental health and everything. To all these things. So, I'm not going to labor this anymore and

14:39Steven Webb: I'm not going to go on. You get the gist. Seek nourishment, not happiness. So, enjoy the

14:47Steven Webb: happiness. Enjoy the experiences, the concerts, the music. Go to the fireworks and all that. But don't expect those things

14:54Steven Webb: to be healthy and to... Nourish you in a way that improves your life because they will not improve your

15:02Steven Webb: life. They only improve your life temporarily. So before I wrap up, I'd like to take a moment to thank

15:08Steven Webb: the supporters you know Each of you help keep this podcast free for everybody. So I'm deeply grateful to you.

15:16Steven Webb: Thank you very much. So this week I want to say thank you to Kelly, Blackwell, Pat, Mark cananda and

15:24Steven Webb: Caroline. And there's a couple of anonymous supporters you know Thank you. A deep bow to you guys. You help

15:31Steven Webb: keep this podcast free. And it stops you having to sit through three or four minutes of adverts at the

15:38Steven Webb: beginning of the podcast. Because I can't be honest, that does my head in. I'm like, I want the podcast.

15:43Steven Webb: I just skip it anyway. So there's a pro tip that you didn't really need. So to recap,

15:50Steven Webb: you know, it's pretty simple. Is what you're currently doing giving you nourishment or is it just giving you

15:58Steven Webb: a temporary happiness? And it's fine. Make the choice. If it's a temporary happiness you're choosing, go for it. It's

16:06Steven Webb: good. Don't have a problem with it. It's absolutely fine. You know, I do it all the time. But also

16:13Steven Webb: balance it with the nourishment things. If you're always going for the temporary happiness it'll

16:19Steven Webb: wear you down. You won't enjoy it. You won't see it um You know, if you really want to come

16:26Steven Webb: to some real inner peace and deal with the overwhelm and anxiety and feel a little more healthy, seek nourishment.

16:33Steven Webb: It really is that important

16:36Steven Webb: and It's the healthy side of living

16:38Steven Webb: um You know, just do it 50 percent of time and your life will improve. Now that if you do

16:45Steven Webb: want to really improve your life and you want some more stillness in the storms, I have an audio course

16:50Steven Webb: that you can do by clicking the link in the description. You know, on Insight Timer it's had only 3

16:56Steven Webb: 000 people go through it and it's got a five out of five rating You can currently get it for

17:01Steven Webb: 50 off. And it just, it

17:08Steven Webb: teaches you to tap into your inner wisdom that we very often forgot that's developed over millions of years. And

17:16Steven Webb: it reminds you of who you are deeply inside. And that you have all the skills over 10 lessons,

17:23Steven Webb: 15 minute lessons. You can do it on the phone, do it anywhere. That just simply will give you more

17:30Steven Webb: inner peace and give you make you more hole in life that you can deal with whatever comes your way.

17:36Steven Webb: So, thank you everybody. If you want to do that course or just check it out what's involved in that,

17:42Steven Webb: click the link it underneath StevenWebb.uk. If you go to there as well, you'll be able to see the

17:50Steven Webb: link as well. Thank you very much. Thank you to the donators. Thank you to the supporters. And thank you

17:57Steven Webb: to anybody that reviews, shares and yeah, you guys are awesome. Take care and I love you.