Beyond Happiness: The Importance of Nourishment for a Meaningful Life

Q: Is wanting to be happy wrong?

Not at all, and go to the fireworks. The mistake is asking an experience to carry your week, because that is not what it is for.

Q: What if I get nothing from meditating?

That is roughly how it feels while you are doing it, and it is not the measure. The measure is how you behave four hours later.

Q: How much of each?

Half and half will do it. If everything you choose is the temporary sort, it grinds you down without you noticing why.

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The transcript

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happiness · purpose · values

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Welcome to Stillness in the Storms, the podcast that helps you through the most difficult times in life. I'm Steven

Webb, your host, and I want to explore the difference between seeking happiness and nourishment.

This is something that I've been thinking about more and more recently. Is this giving me happiness or is this

giving me nourishment? I'm going to use a couple of analogies because you know me. I love my analogies because

it makes sense in my brain. In my mind, or whatever it's called. And yeah, I just think this is

this goes deeper into, I suppose, or maybe not deeper, maybe shallower, who knows, into my healthy

and unhealthy. So seeking happiness would be the unhealthy. Although, what's the problem in seeking happiness

what's the problem in that? You know, you often ask that question, what do you want to be when you're

older? I want to be happy. What do what would be like for my children? I just want them to

be happy. I'm changing my opinion on that. I don't just want to be happy because if you're just happy

all the time, you'll no longer be happy because it'll be your normal state of thinking. If

that makes sense? It's like, yeah, I was thinking of the analogy and hot and cold. If you're cold, you're

cold. You're not going to change that. But if you see what I mean the new happiness will become the

normal. So, but if we seek nourishment, we can still enjoy the times when we have those experiences to be

happy and we can embrace them, but we're no longer attached to that life needs to be there

at that place of happiness in order for me to be successful, in order for me to be happy, I

guess, to be fulfilled. I just don't think... We need to be there. And that I think that's part of

the problem. I do want to dive deeper in this subject. And I hopefully by the end of this podcast,

you'll see the difference between seeking nourishment and seeking happiness. And we need to go for what we need, not

for what we want. And I think we'll then get what we want. It's like it's always a paradox. It's

always like a Zen paradox or something like that. You know I Who was it? The Rolling Stones or something

like that um If you go for what you want, you might get what you need or something like that.

Always remember that. It's it's a good quote if I haven't butchered it

um but I'm gonna get on. I'm gonna get straight on with today's podcast anyway and I'll thank the donators

now at the end and I've got a special offer for you at the end to really make a difference

um Anyway analogies. Take... We've all got kind of friends. We've all got a few friends. We've got some good

friends. But I've got friends that give me good experiences I go out and have fun with. I might go

away on days and things like that way and I got friends that I don't need to do much with

and I can just sit in silence or And I feel nourished by them and I enjoy the experience by

the others. They're two different things. And if I wanted the experience and the joy out of all my friends,

it would just become normal and that I do need both. But I need to choose wisely on how much

I need of what. How much of who I need and what. And I do need to be nourished in

a way that I like to have that deeper conversation that... Makes me think um that taxes my mind

that And I know we all need this. I'm not saying that um I'm some kind of deep thinker, no,

because I don't think I am. I don't think I'm any different than anybody else. But I think we all

need to have, I

don't know, that friend that sits down with a cup of tea and gives us that deeper conversation that questions

how we think and gives us a broader perspective on life and You

know, recently I've been spending more

time alone because I've been enjoying it. You know, not alone in solitude and I've been choosing it, going out

for walks. Okay, in my wheelchair but I've been going out and I just, I would normally go out and

I put music on or I go live and I just don't feel like I want to do that anymore.

There's times when I do but I I feel like I'm being selfish with my time. It's

that I don't want to give my time to everybody else because they all want a bit of my time.

It's my time. It's my time to give when I want to give it. And I think

that's a healthy way of looking at my time. I'm still going to share it out. I've still got time

for other people. But it's not going to be all about other people I'm not going to Because I'm not

seeking that happiness of going places and doing things and filling every day with something I need to go out

and do. Another way of looking at this, happiness and...

Nourishment is you take fireworks. Every year, or remember for the last few years, but we go to the Firework

Display. I think it's the European or International Firework Display. I think one year we have the World Championships there

in Plymouth. It's about an hour up the road from us. I don't know why I'm pointing over there this

is something pointed over my shoulder, like as if it's behind me. I have no idea what direction this is

But anyway, we go up there and we watch the fireworks, and they're amazing fireworks. What an incredible experience. That's

happiness. That's an experience.

But the day later, I'm not buzzing, feeling the same thing. I'm only going to feel it when I'm actually

there watching it. I can share the experience. I can even bring it up on my phone. I can share

it on Facebook. It doesn't give me the same experience. Otherwise, if someone else showed me their video, I would

get the same experience. You cannot relive it. We want to relive it. You know, can you remember going out

as a youngster when you're like 18, 19? And you go out and having a fantastic night and It's so

cool. And you all say to your friends, oh my God, that was amazing. We've got to do that again

sometime. And then about four months later, you'll get together and you go down the night and you're all sitting

there like, hmm, not quite the same. Because that's where happiness is and experiences. We're always trying to

recreate or create something to make us feel better than what we are. Whereas nourishment isn't about feeling better than

what we are. I

like that. I'm going to repeat that. Nourishment isn't about feeding better than what we are, especially in the given

moment. But the rewards are great. So, you don't fireworks are the experience, the great,

wonderful thing to have, the happiness. But your garden is a different story. Your garden grows and it blooms.

It does all these things, but it does it so much slower, so much more subtle. But it'll give you

so much more nourishment. So there's a big difference between sitting there watching fireworks and sitting there watching your um

flowers grow. So

one doesn't overly improve the present moment, but one sits with nourishment. It means you got that piece and

you know it's going to grow. You know it's going to be more fulfilling. You know it's just going to

be... I can't think of a better word than nourishment. It just works so well. And take the analogy of

the glass. You know, I've always had a problem with the analogy of the glass. So you get the question,

are you a half full, half empty person? What does that mean? Okay, if you're half full, you're negative.

If it's a half full, you're positive person. And you've got a glass. Stop

arguing about whether it's half full or half empty. You've got a glass. You know there's no one asking what's

in the glass? You know, if you're dying for a drink or you want medicine, you want a particular thing

in the glass.

You know um what if someone says, well, I've got a full glass here. Brilliant. I'll take that. Down it.

And you find out it's poisonous. Hey, but it was a full glass. No one's asking what's in the glass.

But I know the point of the analogy. I do get it.

But let's build in the analogy and say, you know,

what's important is what you put in the glass. You'll have a glass. You'll have a life. You can choose

what to put in it.

And I think that's what's really important. You know, you can put alcohol in it and that'll give you some

time out that'll give you a little bit of a high, a little bit of a um time out, a

little bit of a, I don't know, trying to ignore life or an experience. There's many different ways of drinking

alcohol for whatever reasons. But

what does that do to your body? You know your all your soldiers have got to fight twice as hard

the night after just to be able to get you through the night because it's got to repair the blood

that's like somewhat poisoned. So it's all those things.

So

I'm going to do one more analogy and then I'm just going to, you know, talk about it as a

whole the way I see it. The other analogy is I'm a meditation teacher.

I don't like meditation. I don't enjoy meditation at all. You know. I don't think I've ever sat

down, even when I'm meditating with Zen masters and teachers. I've never sat down and went, it's going to be

exciting. Why would you? You know, you're sat there still. There's a million other things to be doing

on this planet that's a way more enjoyable than meditation. You know, right down to just grabbing an ice cream

out the freezer or having a bar of chocolate, listening to music, having a cup of tea. You know, even

having a sip of water is more entertaining than meditation. But what does meditation give you? It gives you wisdom.

It gives you calmness. It gives you the ability to see life through insightful eyes in a

calm way. And

when I say it gives you insight, it allows you to see your feelings coming up or recognise the feelings

coming up and you no longer identify with them. You have thoughts, but you no longer identify with them. So

it gives you a it gives you a sense of more control. It

gives you a sense of a deeper wisdom that you can really understand and live life through a

different way. From a real deeper perspective of more calmness. You're healthier. Meditation gives

so many health benefits. A lot less anxiety, a lot less... Well, I'm not going to say less anxiety. What

I'm going to say is it gives you more understanding of the way the anxiety mechanism in your body works.

The fear in your body works. All these thoughts and feelings that come up, they all have evolved to have

a purpose. Meditation gives you the tools to be able to deal with all of them. It's much like studying

at school. You know no one's very rarely people go, I can't wait to study more. But they're studying for

something later. That's a nourishing thing to do. You know, you're not eating salad because you're enjoying it,

unless you're totally strange. I'm not saying everybody's that is strange. I just have, actually. You know what

I mean. Please don't be mad me I like salad, but I don't get excited about it.

I like a nice salad that's got some stuff that's not so good for you on the side, like French

life and things like that. Anyway, again, I go off on a tangent um So going

back to... Just... Nourishment is things that you don't overly see the benefit there and then, but you do get

the benefit over time, over the days ahead, the hours ahead. You end up so much more happier in the

long run um You know, the opposite side to meditation is music. I love music. I put on

music and I I'm either feeling really good and, you know you remember that old song with um freddie mercury

it's dancing it's doing the hoovering, you know? I get it. I love music. And I also love putting on

music when I want to feel miserable as well. If I'm really feeling emotional, I want to put music I

want to cry. I like to feel things deeply um Let me know in the comments if that's what you

think and that's what you do with music as well. I like sad music when I want to feel sad.

You know, I think crying is such a gift.

But one of the things you can do is throughout your day, just ask the question,

Will what I'm currently doing benefit me when it's over?

And just that alone, just asking that, will update on the way you think and the way you see

what you're currently doing. So if you're listening to music and you're listening to favourite track,

what will I'm currently doing benefit me when it's over? Well, it might do for a few minutes. But after

20 minutes or so, it's gone. It was your favourite track. You enjoyed doing it. Do it. But don't expect

the benefit to come through the day. But if you're meditating or you're eating salad or you're reading a book,

you're gaining knowledge or you're doing a course or you're studying, all these things, exercise at a gym, anything really

that's just nourishing you,

will that benefit you later? Yes, absolutely. Because you might be more calm when you go to sleep. You might

be more chilled when that family member turns up and they trigger you in some way. There's so many ways

in which, you

know, you know all the benefits of eating salad You know the benefits of meditation, you know, from the physical

health to the mental health and everything. To all these things. So, I'm not going to labor this anymore and

I'm not going to go on. You get the gist. Seek nourishment, not happiness. So, enjoy the

happiness. Enjoy the experiences, the concerts, the music. Go to the fireworks and all that. But don't expect those things

to be healthy and to... Nourish you in a way that improves your life because they will not improve your

life. They only improve your life temporarily. So before I wrap up, I'd like to take a moment to thank

the supporters you know Each of you help keep this podcast free for everybody. So I'm deeply grateful to you.

Thank you very much. So this week I want to say thank you to Kelly, Blackwell, Pat, Mark cananda and

Caroline. And there's a couple of anonymous supporters you know Thank you. A deep bow to you guys. You help

keep this podcast free. And it stops you having to sit through three or four minutes of adverts at the

beginning of the podcast. Because I can't be honest, that does my head in. I'm like, I want the podcast.

I just skip it anyway. So there's a pro tip that you didn't really need. So to recap,

you know, it's pretty simple. Is what you're currently doing giving you nourishment or is it just giving you

a temporary happiness? And it's fine. Make the choice. If it's a temporary happiness you're choosing, go for it. It's

good. Don't have a problem with it. It's absolutely fine. You know, I do it all the time. But also

balance it with the nourishment things. If you're always going for the temporary happiness it'll

wear you down. You won't enjoy it. You won't see it um You know, if you really want to come

to some real inner peace and deal with the overwhelm and anxiety and feel a little more healthy, seek nourishment.

It really is that important

and It's the healthy side of living

um You know, just do it 50 percent of time and your life will improve. Now that if you do

want to really improve your life and you want some more stillness in the storms, I have an audio course

that you can do by clicking the link in the description. You know, on Insight Timer it's had only 3

000 people go through it and it's got a five out of five rating You can currently get it for

50 off. And it just, it

teaches you to tap into your inner wisdom that we very often forgot that's developed over millions of years. And

it reminds you of who you are deeply inside. And that you have all the skills over 10 lessons,

15 minute lessons. You can do it on the phone, do it anywhere. That just simply will give you more

inner peace and give you make you more hole in life that you can deal with whatever comes your way.

So, thank you everybody. If you want to do that course or just check it out what's involved in that,

click the link it underneath StevenWebb.uk. If you go to there as well, you'll be able to see the

link as well. Thank you very much. Thank you to the donators. Thank you to the supporters. And thank you

to anybody that reviews, shares and yeah, you guys are awesome. Take care and I love you.

Beyond Happiness: The Importance of Nourishment for a Meaningful Life

In this episode

With gratitude to

The question this answers

The heart of it

One small thing to try

Questions people ask

The transcript

One calm email.
Every Sunday.

Beyond Happiness: The Importance of Nourishment for a Meaningful Life

In this episode

With gratitude to

The question this answers

The heart of it

One small thing to try

Questions people ask

The transcript

More honest conversations

One calm email. Every Sunday.

One calm email.
Every Sunday.