How do you actually get out of your comfort zone? Every quote online makes it sound easy. It is not.
Shortly after I broke my neck I was on the spinal unit, in a manual chair I could barely push, and they asked me to speak at a fundraiser. I was terrified. I had a bad stutter. I stuttered on every word I said. Then a nurse came down to the ward with a tin, and there was about twelve pounds in it, and something changed. Failure is not the risk. Failure is the learning. The real cost is what you miss by staying put.
One thing to try: Say yes to one thing this week that you would normally talk yourself out of.
In this episode
(1:25) So much change, so much uncertainty
(4:07) Why I got frustrated with people who would not walk through the door
(5:16) The spinal unit and a chair I could hardly push
Every quote online makes it sound like a decision. It is not. And you do not have to leap, which is the part the quotes leave out.
The heart of it
You do not have to be ready. Waiting until you are ready is how people never go.
Failure is not the risk. Failure is the learning.
The real cost is what you miss by staying where you are.
My daughter Kember played a game called Spyro when she was small, and for weeks she played the same bit. Not a level. The running about before the levels. Jumping in the water, over the bridge, round the field.
I found it maddening. Go through the door. You will get power ups, you will be able to jump higher, you will get somewhere.
I understood exactly what she was not doing. I did not understand why for years. She did not want to get hurt. And when she was ready she went through the door, and it was never my business to decide when that was.
Then my own version, a few weeks after I first got out of bed on the spinal unit. Three of us were asked to talk to about thirty student nurses. I had a bad stutter then and I had never spoken in front of anybody in my life.
Getting into the room was a slow, silent farce. I could push forwards and I could barely turn, so I steered by bumping gently into the back of Alan's chair. Then the three of us turned to face the room one at a time on deep carpet.
I talked about the dangers of diving and I stuttered on nearly every word. I thought it was a disaster.
A couple of hours later somebody came down to the ward and said one of the audience wanted a word. They had had a whip round. About twelve pounds, and they wanted to help me campaign, because they thought what I said was powerful.
It was not polished. It was real, which turns out to be a different currency.
One small thing to try
Take one step rather than the leap. Dip a toe in.
Do not design the whole podcast, record five minutes about something you love. Do not learn how to register a company, have the first conversation. Do not become a good speaker, speak badly once.
Then ask the other question. What have you said no to because you did not believe you could learn the rest on the way?
I have a list. There are people I would love to interview and I do not message them, in case they say yes. Which means I now have to send that email, having said it out loud.
Questions people ask
What if I fail?
Then you have learned something, which is the only way anybody learns anything. Look at anything I made three or four years ago. It is not good. It is why this exists.
Should I push my children out of theirs?
I tried and it did not work. We spend their childhoods telling them to stay safe and then ask why they will not take risks. They go when they are ready, and the readiness is not on your timetable.
Do you still get uncomfortable?
Every episode and every live. Slightly. If I ever get entirely comfortable doing this, it will mean I have stopped learning anything.
Found this helpful? Leave a review. Finding something hard that isn’t covered here? Tell me, and I may make an episode about it.
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The transcript
It follows the audio. Press any line to jump there.
confidence · change · fear
Read the transcript
How do we get out of our comfort zone? That's one of the most difficult things we'd ever do. And
the only way you hear all these wonderful quotes everywhere on the Internet about freedom is on the other side
of your comfort zone and this wonderful utopian world. Just if you could only get out of your comfort zone.
What is your comfort zone and how do we get out of it?
I'm Steven Webb, and this is Stillness in the Storms podcast. And I help you to get through difficult times
and give you a little piece of inner peace.
Okay comfort zone But just before I start on that, I'd like to say thank you to my patrons
feral clint chel Yvonne and Maureen. Thank you guys. Thank you for supporting what I do.
And if any of you want to become a patron, head over to StevenWebb.com and there's a link at the
top to our Patreon Otherwise, thank you for listening to this podcast. Thank you for tuning in. How's your week
been? My week has been pretty good. It's so interesting now. The world's opening up and just there's so much
change and there's so much frustration and there's so much anger and fear and, yeah, there's
a lot going on this week. There's a lot of energy. There's a lot of uncertainty. And in all this
uncertainty, there is this automatic out of our comfort zone. This is what we don't like. We don't like being
out of our comfort zone. So I thought I'd do a podcast about comfort zone and about how we step
out of it and sometimes, sometimes forcing us into our. Out of our comfort zone really
does help. But I just want to warn you that I'm not going to be editing my podcast in the
same diligent way as I normally do. So there's going to be more ums and ams There's going to be
more gaps and pauses because I don't have time or the manpower or the
means to be able to get it edited. You know, being paralysed from then just below the neck and my
fingers now been paralysed. It takes me
five times longer to do anything an able-bodied can do. And I've been. I've been a bit conservative on the
five times, probably 20 times. So in order for me to get the podcast out every week, I'm going to
do less editing. So you are. You are warned. You are warned. But come for a zone.
I was talking on my live today about my daughter. My daughter Kember. She's now 23, and she
used to play this computer game called Spyro. And she used to play this same level for months and months
and months. And it wasn't even getting through the level. It was like a pre-level running around. So you would
run around on these little fields and jump in this water and over this little bridge and you would choose
places to go into to do the levels. Well, in each one of these levels, there was, like, things you
had to do, people you had to jump on and kill and bosses you had to take out. But she
wouldn't go in them. And I was like I'm really frustrated. I was like, no chem you've got to go
into these levels. You're never going to get further. You'll end up getting power ups and you can jump higher
and you can do all these things. And she's like, no, I'm good. And I'm like, yeah, but we've watched
you play this, this running around, running, jumping into water and jumping out the same area for like weeks now.
Please, can we see a different area? No, I'm good. Aren't you bored with playing the same thing? No,
I'm good. And I really couldn't understand it. I really got quite frustrated and sometimes I got
quite like what can be. You're never going to get anywhere unless you actually just go through the door. Go
on, just go do it now in front of me. I'll help you. And I used to be quite like,
yeah, frustrated is the right word. I don't want to make it any stronger. Because it wasn't. It never. It
bothered me, but not too much. It was just I couldn't sit there and watch her for many, for very
long. And I now realise why it
was okay understanding what she wasn't doing right or what she should be doing. I never understood why. And of
course she didn't want spyware to get hurt. She didn't want to get hurt. She didn't want to go through
the fear, that feeling of somebody jumping out. Now. Then when she was ready, she
took the step. When she was ready and confident and okay to adventure out, she took the step. It
wasn't my business to know when she was ready. And I want to tell you another story. Shortly after I
broke my neck, I was on the spiny unit I had just got out of bed a few weeks previous,
so I'd learned to push my chair really quite badly. It was a manual wheelchair. It was an NHS one,
so it was a good quality because they were our permanent chairs. But it was also they Weren't lightweight. They.
Yeah, they were very much a government issued chair and they
were heavy. And because I got no triceps and my hands don't work properly, I could not push the chair
in any meaningful way. I could I could get the momentum to go forward, but
then turning any corner or turning on the spot was incredibly difficult. To push one wheel one way and the
other wheel the other way was like really hard. And it must have been painful for anybody to
watch us do it really slowly. Well, a group of carers or nurses came to the spine
unit for the day and myself, Alan and Jason were asked to go in and do a small speech, a
small chat I'd never done anything like this apart from when I was at school and I wasn't really in
any kind of drama class, so standing out in front of anybody, it was just something I did not do,
apart from telling the odd joke when I was a child in the, I suppose, greenhouse when we had a
barbecue with friends. But essentially this was something new and I was terrified. And I can remember the
hour came counting down. What do you want me to talk about? I said to, like the sister on the
ward, well, just talk about what it's like to be first injured, what it's like to be um from your
perspective of and breaking your neck and things like that. It's like, yeah, but, oh, I don't know, I don't
know. Well, in the end, I said, I'll do it. I'll brave, I'll do it.
And I would never have done it unless I had two people with me. So it came to the time,
and we pushed our wheelchairs up there. The door opened, and I was the third in the row. And pushing
ourselves into... It must have been an absolute comedy if it wasn't so painful for us all.
Completely straight face, completely serious. Jason goes in first now, Jason his arms were longer than his
body, I swear. And they used to wave in every direction. If there was ever an orangutan in a wheelchair,
that was him. And then there was Alan next. Alan was very serious, very subdued.
And then there was me. I don't know what I was. I had no idea. I could. I could see
what they were, but I couldn't see who I was. And Jason pushed himself in first, joking and like. And
there's me. And then Alan pushed himself in and there was me banging myself into the back of his chair
because, like, I wanted to get in as quick as possible, but
I did and I. And I didn't want to be stuck out too far either. So the balance was basically
crashing into the back of his chair, because once I pushed forward, I couldn't stop. And I went in there,
and I managed to turn around on the really low shag pile carpet, and I managed to turn out and
facing. There's about 30 people. And I spoke about the dangers of diving, and I was terrified.
It. I thought it went absolutely terrible. I. I was sweating. I was nervous.
I. Every word I said, I swear I stuttered because I used to have a terrible stutter. And
then I left, and down on the ward, about 10 minutes later, I don't know, a couple hours later,
I have no idea, really um One of the nurses come down and said, oh that they would like a
word with you. I was like, who? Oh, one of the people in the audience would like a word with
you. I was like uh okay I said, you have to push me because it's, like, right up there, and
it'll take me, like, 20 minutes to get there. So the nurse pushed me, and we got up there, and
the lady looks up and says, we would like to help you. I was like, why? So well you wanted
to do some kind of campaign to stop people pricking their necks and do some kind of warning? We'd done
a whip around with some money, and we thought what you said was really powerful. We thought you were amazing.
I was like. I thought it's a bloody mess. It was terrible. It was, you know, it was so raw.
It was like. But I guess it was real, you know? And the. The point of it is,
there was about, I don't know, 18 dollars which would be about 12 pounds in there, and it enabled
me. I can't remember what I'd done with it because it was some months before when I come home, but
that was, like, 27 years ago. But the point of getting out your comfort zone is you don't have to
do it all at once. You don't have to go and jump
metaphorically you You know, your comfort zone is fine for certain situations, but
you don't have to be ready. You don't have to be so perfect and ready to leave your comfort zone.
You know, just like Kember my daughter with that game. And just like me in that room, if I'd waited
years and years and years until I was the perfect speaker, I would have done no better. You know, if
Kember had waited and waited and waited, she would have done no better on the other sheets because she would
not have known what she was up against. The thing is, we have to grow our muscle by doing. We
have to leave our comfort zone. You know, we have to put on a different movie. If we're a child,
we have to stop rewrite, redoing the same day again and again and again.
And it's really difficult. It's not easy to do something different. And this is why in this time
of lockdown, in this time of unrest, we we fear discomfort. You know, the
greatest love you can give a child is comfort,
security, love, and safety.
You know, we almost ask our children to stay safe, not to get out of the comfort zone. Don't do
anything that's going to hurt you when, really. And then when a child goes out and they do something that
hurts them, we're like, why did you do that? Why did you climb on that? So so we almost want
everybody. And we get taught not to go out of our comfort zone.
You know, I'm not saying run and jump. I'm not saying dive off a tall wall into a circle like
I did. I'm saying go down the road on the push bike that you're not used to doing. I'm saying
read the book, watch the movie, learn something different. If someone's offering you an opportunity,
take it and learn along the way. If you want to start up a business, you don't need to know
about taxes and all the how to register a business, design a logo um If you want to do public
speaking, you don't have to be a perfect public speaker. If you want to do Facebook lives, if you want
to start up a podcast, you don't have to have all the perfect equipment. You don't have to have the
gift of the gap. You just have to start. You just have to. You know, if you want to do
a podcast, just record five minutes talking about your favourite subject. You don't have to decide your whole podcast
all 120 episodes. The problem is we look so far down the road and we
think we cannot get there, so we don't bother. Getting out of your comfort zone is not about having the
perfect sharpened sword.
It's about knowing that you're going to learn along the way. It's about knowing that failure is
okay. Failure is learning. I can list all the times where I've put out something that's just terrible.
Look back at my first lives. Look back at things I was doing three or four years ago.
You know, I was where I was. And jumping out of my comfort zone has given me
more confidence in recording this podcast. You
know, every podcast, I'm slightly out of my comfort zone. Every life, I'm slightly out of my Comfort zone. If
I get too comfortable, then I'm not learning, I'm not growing.
I know comfort feels good and I know fear feels terrible, but we should have
fear recognise the fear and go, it's okay. I'm not gonna go all the way. I'm just gonna take a
step, dip my toe in, so to speak. You know, that's wisdom. Dip your toe in, check the depth of
the water. You know, I'm joking about that. I'm laughing at the time only because I broke my neck in
the swimming pool. When I dived in, it was the deep end. It was lit up and it was full
of water.
There's so many rumors about my accident over the years it's just They're just funny, you know, he must have
been drunk. The pool was empty It was the shallow end. None of those things are true. What's true is
I was a dumbass and I was showing off. That's the truth But that's okay.
When we're younger, we haven't got a defined comfort zone so much as we have when we're older.
So
hopefully my. A couple of stories have helped you recognise your comfort zone, recognise the comfort zone in others. And
just think today, how much do you miss out on staying in your comfort zone?
Where in your life are you just staying in your comfort zone because it feels good to you? What things
have you said no to that you don't believe you had the ability or capacity to learn, to be able
to grow into that role? And
there's many things I've said no to and knocked back.
There's, there's people I would like to have on this podcast there's people I would like to
interview, but I don't message them just in case they say yes. What happens if I message like Richard Rohr
and say, come on my podcast, Brilliant Franciscan priest That would just be amazing conversation.
What would happen if I messaged him and said will you come on my podcast? What would happen if he
said yes? That would mean I'd be out of my comfort zone. I'd have to grow. And now here's the
problem. I now have to email him and ask him, don't I
so If any of you know Richard raw tell him that I'm trying to get out of my comfort zone.
I would love for him to come on my podcast. You know, a genuine, such an open-hearted warm loving
character taught me so much about the true self, false self, the. The falling upwards, the first and second half
of life.
But yeah, comfort zone, it's hilarious. So get out your comfort zone. Head over to
StevenWebb.com and
click to have a chat with me. I don't charge, it's donation based only. And
see if I can help you if maybe you have anxiety or depression as a visitor at the moment and
you're struggling with finding inner peace in this uncertain, difficult time. And I
get it. I get it. There's no shame in feeding all those things at the moment. Well, There's no shame
in feeding them at any time.
So yeah, head over to StevenWebb.com. Click on either. Become a Patron if you would like to support and get
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Take care. Have a wonderful day. And the website's StevenWebb.com. Bye.
